My Organized Religion Rant of the Day

I am a Christian. I do not hide the fact that I do believe in God or a higher spiritual being. What my rant
today is about is Organized Religion and the problems resulting from bad ones. As I was going through different social media sites today, I came across an article about a mega church that was closing due to financial difficulties because of “negative press”. This “negative press” that the church is referring to was all because the leader of this church said women’s vaginas we’re good for nothing other than being a home for a man’s penis. Yes, you read that correctly.

Pastor (their term for him, not mine) Mark Driscoll is reported as saying “ultimately, God created you and it is His penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.” He went on to say “knowing that his penis would need a home. God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home”.

The article went on to say some other things including why a man should not be gay because of how the penis fits and why one man should not sleep with another man’s wife because that would be like stealing or breaking and entering. I have included the article at the end of this post for everyone to read.

Here’s The first question that came to my mind; how in the world did this man become a pastor? No I know it is easy for anyone to slap the pastor title on their name, but it made me wonder how he got people to support him. He founded the church, which again, anyone can start a church. It’s pretty simple really. The church is in Seattle, which is known for it’s open minded style. Again, a plus for Seattle, but still not sure how he had so much support.
He described his style as “theological conservative and culturally liberal”. As I read that, my thought were….WTH does that mean exactly????

This man was not just a pastor of a regular church… This church is
considered a mega church. That means he had followers upon followers believing in what he was preaching. He has been invited all over the United States to preach as well as to London England to speak to over 4000 people at any event.

It is said that he used a lot of preaching about sex and crude comments. He grew his church by preaching to “horny ” single people.

At some point, I have to wonder why so many people just followed his teaching and preaching. Was it because he said he was a pastor and they just excepted it? Was it because he talked in a language that fit what they wanted their own “church” to be like? It really makes you wonder.

No, the thing that really frustrates me is that because of his comments it makes it hard for people to understand that sex still is not a bad thing to discuss in the church. In my studies for my business, I have read and met with many Christian couples that do not communicate comfortably or at all when it comes to things of a sexual nature. Should that be fixed? ABSOLUTELY! Should it be fixed the Pastor Mark Driscoll way? I do not believe so. He does, however, have some very good points in his book “Real Marriage”. Do I think he’s a pastor and extolling the virtues of a sound Christian leader? No. Do I think he could be a strong sex educator? No, not until he understands women are more than a home for the penis. He is setting healthy sex education back too many years with that way of thinking.

Another thing I found interesting is that former and current church leaders are going against him and accusing him of “creating a climate of fear through his verbally abusive language, lack of self-control, and arrogant domineering attitude”. So…did this all happen overnight??? Was he at one time a super nice guy? Oh wait, or is it easy to attack the guy for his attitude when things aren’t going great? That is another issue I have with organized religion. It’s easy to hold hands and sing Kum be Ya (I am not sure if that is spelled right) when the numbers are growing and the money is rolling in but the minute things go south it is everyone attack the leader. He didn’t change! They just don’t want to be seen as supporting him but they were all about supporting him when it was good for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe every Church is bad. Just like anything, you have the good, you have the okay, and you have the bad. What I get frustrated with is the fact that so many people blindly follow teachings of one just because they say they are a pastor and those around them are cheering him or her on.

To my Christian friends and readers…. I urge you to challenge those that you are listening to that have a leader role. Do you not just blindly agree and cheer them on because it sounds good or because others are doing it. Look into it for yourself. Do your homework.

To my non-Christian friends and readers…. Please do not use this as a reason to bash those that believe. I understand and respect your position as well.

As I said at the beginning, yes this is a rant about organized religion but it is also a plea to the good pastors and church leaders out there do not take this man’s issues and use it as an excuse to not talk about healthy sexual communication amongst your married church members. We have to encourage that! It will help the marriage stay strong!

Here are two of the better articles about this man:

Driscoll Controversy

The Frisky – Mark Driscoll

Labeling Religion brings lack of acceptance – HaliPawz

dogs, dachshund, mastiff, tolerance, differences

We seem to love labels.  I don’t know if it’s an American thing, a world thing, but the idea of saying, “I’m just not sure, I’m still figuring it out” doesn’t seem to be used enough or accepted enough.

I had a conversation last night with a friend and we started discussing religion and family.  He has stated many times in the past he is agnostic but I have also heard him use the word “atheist” in the past.

The conversation took place because he wasn’t planning on going to church with his mom on Mother’s Day.  Now I don’t care if someone goes or doesn’t go to church, but it was his reasoning behind why he wasn’t going.  He said it was because he’s “atheist, agnostic, or whatever” (his words not mine).  You can’t really be Atheist, Agnostic, or whatever.  I called him out on his choice of words!

If he was, indeed, agnostic, going to church really would be no problem at all. Going to church with family would be no different than going to a family member’s house you don’t really care for, but you go out of respect or expectation.  As an agnostic person, you aren’t against the concept of a God, you’re just skeptical or non-committal towards the idea of God.  If this is the case, then suck it up, make your mom happy, and go to church.  It shouldn’t be an issue and you’re mom is happy.

His issue isn’t with God or even the existence of God, it is with the labels and expectations, mostly associated with organized religion.

I decided it was time for us to discuss this further and help him understand why others have difficulty respecting his stand when his stand is always changing.

I try to understand other’s points of views, even if I don’t always agree with them.  Because of this, I try to use words or terminology which will fit the person I am talking to.  If I’m talking to a Christian, I state I am a Christian, I just have difficulty with organized religion. If I’m talking to an Agnostic person, I state I most identify as a Christian but all it means is I believe in a higher spirit, just not necessarily organized religion. It is the same thing, I’m wording it for the best comprehension.

I accept and respect ANY religion which does not bring harm to others.  Yes, even the understood “Christian” religions who choose to kill “in the name of God” aren’t doing it because of God, they are doing it because of some organized religion directing them to do so.

How many of us know someone like this?

Why does anyone think their religion is better than another’s, when, in reality, it is all the same?

Imagine, if you will, going back hundreds of years and talking to a Native American about his religion. Now imagine you are a Christian determined to convert him to Christianity because you believe in it so much.  First you tell him his religion is wrong because he prays to a “spirit” to bring rain.  He is wrong because he believes in Gods and Godesses and there can be only ONE God.  You tell him all this and then proceed to tell him about YOUR God, your religion. You tell him about God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Jaweh, King of Kings, etc….Ummm can you see how that information could make a head spin??? Tell me again what the difference is? Never mind the fact BOTH believe in an ultimate higher being. BOTH believe in human immortality and an afterlife. Just because someone puts different words to the same concept doesn’t make it wrong or give it a different meaning! When a Christian is experiencing a drought, he prays to God for rain but I sure the term “Mother Nature” has been said at one point in time, either by them or by someone they know.  Why is it so easy to accept Mother Nature but not another person’s terminology for God?


Religion isn’t easy.  It is the desire to accept something that is not felt, not touched, not seen. Then we (humans) come along and make it more difficult by wanting to wrap our beliefs, the way WE understand it, up in a pretty box and put a bow on it because we cannot accept the fact it is all the same, just summarized differently.

The next time you want to have an issue with someone else’s beliefs, take a minute, ask them to explain it, or use the Internet to get a better understanding, if it is completely different than your own, respectfully explain your belief, your understanding….but in the end, if your belief or theirs brings NO HARM or DISRESPECT to others, accept it as theirs and move on.  One is not better than the other.

When respect and acceptance of differences begin to be a norm, society will be a much better place!

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The Road to Political Success is Paved with Success and it seems only the Wealthy are Worthy – HaliPawz

Top 10 Reasons why someone like me should run for office, be it presidential, senate, or congress but would never be successful at it.

1. I have an opinion and I may change it!  I know the concept seems strange compared to what we are used to, but I would have my own opinions.  I wouldn’t need a team of people telling me what to think or how to think.  I would openly share my opinion but I would also listen to those with other opinions as long as the discussion stayed respectful of each other.  There may be times I may alter my opinion slightly or altogether based on new information.  It doesn’t make a person wishy-washy, it shows growth.

2. I understand the value of a dollar. I’m not rich. I have bills. I have debt.  I know what it’s like to go to the grocery store and weigh out an item to determine if it’s a want or a need. Because of this, I know how to look at options and be able to think…how will this affect our country fiscally? What impact will it have? Will it put us further into debt or will it help us start climbing out?

3. I’ve made mistakes! Yes! I know it’s a concept we seem to think our politicians shouldn’t have, but they do. The difference is, they work hard to hide them. I talk about mine. I talk about growth from them.  I talk about the knowledge I’ve gained. I have skeletons in my closet! GASP!

4.  I would not spend MILLIONS on my campaign.  How, as a society, do we not see that as a problem? We talk about the fiscal state of our country, of the needs of so many groups, yet think it’s OK to just pour millions and millions of dollars into campaigns???  Jeb Bush, by waiting to announce, had been out making money for his campaign, using the loophole…I’m not officially running yet, so give me as much money as you can!  Yes, I know the presidential campaign is always costlier than Congress, but too much money is spent on all the major campaigns.  With the use of social media, the paparazzi, the followers….you could run campaigns on a much smaller budget!

New York Times stated, “As the 2012 campaign gets under way, there have been a lot of numbers thrown around. Some analysts believe that President Obama, who raised and spent about $750 million in the 2008 campaign, will come close to $1 billion this time around — a figure that senior White House officials dispute.”

Think about how many people are running for the 2016 presidential spot already….and how much each of them is going to spend, couldn’t that money be used for better things?

5.  I would vote for things the way I felt I should vote, not because a lobbyist bought my vote.  Yes, it happens and more Americans should be aware of it.  I’m going to explain it in a simpler fashion, so it’s easier for everyone to understand. I worked in the optical industry for years.  I have worked for non Wal-Mart optical companies and for Wal-Mart optical.  When I managed a small location with a private doctor, we had a contact lens representative come in once a month to see us.  He barely talked about new product, but we (me and the optometrist) always went out to lunch with him to one of the nicest restaurants in the area.  Guess which brand of contacts the doctor fit 90% of the time? Knowing what I know now, I can honestly say there are times another brand probably would have worked for the patient.  The doctor liked the perks he was getting from the company (it wasn’t just lunch once a month).

Wal-Mart has a policy where you can not accept gifts from representatives.  They can come in to talk about their products and what is new, what questions we have, etc.  Because of this, we (the associates) had real knowledge of the products.  We knew what was coming in the future. We understood the differences. The optometrist fit the best PRODUCT to the patient, not the BRAND. In addition, because the company didn’t have to work their “freebies” or “gift” expenses into their cost, they were able to sell the product to Wal-Mart at a lower price, which in turn, allows Wal-Mart to sell it lower.  It’s a win for the consumer!

Now ask yourself, is my representative voting the best way he or she can for ME or because someone is giving them kickbacks to vote a particular way?

6. I would fight to change healthcare from the ground up, not the top down.  I have said over and over again that our health care system is screwed up and needs to be changed.  Sadly, because of how many lobbyists are in our politicians pockets, no one wants to make this change.  There is no regulation on charges. My proposal, in a quick blip, is start with expenses and mark ups. Doctors and hospitals should be held accountable for what they are charging.  Most people don’t even look at their hospital bills.  They pay their portion and move on. I saw a $5 charge once for a bandage.  This “bandage” was a band-aid! Are you kidding me, $5 for a band-aid? A mark up like that should be illegal.  Think doctors charge too much? They do and it’s because of insurance.  They have to charge the same amount regardless if you have insurance or not.  Insurance company A says, hey, you charge $150 for that procedure, but we are only going to pay you $73.50 for it.  The doctor, if they don’t agree to accept it, will lose 60% of his business, so he says ok.  Other insurances, who don’t have as big of a negotiating power, have to pay $104 for the procedure. Someone without insurance gets charged the full $150. See the problem? If we can get a handle on the mark ups, leveraging costs, the insurance companies costs would go down, so insurance premiums would go down, putting more money in the worker’s pocket, Medicaid costs would go down two-fold; less cost to the taxpayer AND more people could afford insurance.  How is it no one can see this? Oh yeah, they can, but the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies pay a lot of money to keep politicians from doing anything about it.

7. I would take the same approach to contracts and fight for more affordable government contracts.  Why are we paying $50 for a nut and bolt that costs $1 to make? Too much money is thrown down the drain because it’s not their money.  If we start challenging theses things at a local, city, and state level, costs would go down.  Budgets would be fixed.  I would challenge companies bidding for the job or the contract, WHY does it cost so much to do?  Can it be done cheaper?  What is the reason behind the costs?  For example, in an article on Philly.com talking about the ADA compliant ramps in their sidewalks, it stated

“In the Philadelphia region, that will mean rebuilding more than 60,000 sidewalk curb cuts along state-maintained highways, at a cost of at least $300 million over 10 years, and thousands more on local streets. In Philadelphia, sidewalk ramps will get about half of the city’s road budget, officials say”

My mom walks with a walker and uses a motorized scooter, so I am all for ADA compliant sidewalks and businesses, my concern is how much they are going to spend over 10 years.  Is anyone challenging them saying, hey, come on, why so much?  Just because it’s a government job doesn’t mean they should be able to increase their margin of profit.

8.  I’m not Republican or Democrat.  I am pro guns.  I am pro marriage for any two consenting, legal adults.  I am a Christian but not a fan of most  organized religions. I believe too many people are on Medicaid for the wrong reasons and it needs to be changed (not gone away, just fixed). I don’t believe in just throwing more and more money at a problem without working towards a solution.  See! In one number, I’ve angered so many.  It’s why no one would vote for me.

9.  I would be aware of the money I was spending.   I would challenge accountability of politicians.  When they are spending taxpayers dollars, there should be limits.  Anything over those limits should have to come out of their pocket.  When they are traveling for business, it shouldn’t be the most expensive.  It should be reasonable, depending on where they are going and why.  While there are times for splurges with any business or company, there should be rules and regulations around the spending and they should make sense.

10. Last reason….I don’t look the part of a politician.  I don’t have the right background.  I don’t have the right degrees. I don’t have the right look.  At the end of the day, I look more like the average American and for some reason, most average Americans don’t want a normal, everyday person, representing them! I don’t understand it, but it’s been proven time and time again.

To be clear, I’m not speaking just for myself when I say “I should run” I’m speaking for every American who would be great in office but would never be given the opportunity.

It’s funny, because I did look at what it would take to run for president and apparently anyone who raises in excess of $5000 can submit their application to run for President.  Maybe I should start a GoFundMe and see how much I can raise!  Or you can just submit money to PayPal to HaliPawz@aol.com and be sure to label it “Presidential Campaign”  As soon as I have $5001 I will enter the race!  Halifax for President 2016!

Seriously though, as Americans, we have to start demanding more from our politicians.  Challenge them to do better.  Don’t vote for the one who speaks the most eloquently, or makes the most promises, find the ones who fit what you believe, who are consistent with your thoughts and ideologies, and will make the best candidate, not because of the party they are affiliated with but because they will truly do the best job!

#HalifaxForPresident2016

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When Christians believe the Apostles spoke English – HaliPawz

I have stated in more than one post about my frustration with Organized Religion.  I don’t like the judgement so many Christians have for others, when they, themselves, are not sin free.  I think it is just an example of the time we live in, everyone wants everyone else to believe and think just like they do.  I am opinionated, I don’t deny it, but I try to be respectful of others as long as they are respectful of me and my thoughts.  I have actually had a change of opinion because of a healthy conversation with another person on more than one occasion.  What I don’t have tolerance for is when someone argues with me about my beliefs and they, themselves, not only have a difference of opinion but, in fact, have no concept of reality!

I am not completely against finding a new church home.  When I am invited to a church, I will do some research and sometimes I will even go visit it.  I received a note on social media from a man and he was inviting me to his church.  This was new, I had never had a church invite from a complete stranger before, but I messaged him back, thanking him, and asked him some more questions about the church.  He explained he was an associate pastor at the church and I discovered it was close to my house.  I wouldn’t mind finding a good church close by, so I wanted to learn a little more. I have a few standard questions I always try to find answers to before I even decide to go to a church.

Here are a few of them:

  • What is the doctrine of the church?  This is the written body of teachings that is generally accepted by the church.  I have to know what their doctrine, is it something I can support? Is there anything in it I don’t believe in?  A church is like any other organization you are going to be part of, if you don’t support their teachings, you shouldn’t be part of their teachings.
  • What is the church’ statement of faith?  This is a statement of shared beliefs.  This is, in my own words, the doctrine rolled up into a pretty statement to be understood easily.  Again, if their statement of faith isn’t something you can support or get behind, it might not be the church for you.
  • What is the Mission Statement? This is the Church’s purpose, reason for being.  Who they are and what they do
  • How does the church feel about women in leadership?  What roles do they allow women to be in?  This may not be important to everyone, but it is to me.  I had a friend invite me to her church and when I went online to look into the church, I realized they didn’t allow any women in leadership roles.  I asked her why and she said it was because it was Biblical based.  I asked what verses in the Bible stated that and she couldn’t tell me.  I have a problem with that.  If your church takes such a stand like this and says it’s Biblical based but does not share HOW they came to that conclusion, how based is it?
  • What is the ethnic makeup of the church?  Again, it isn’t for everyone, but I want a multi-cultural Church.  Sadly, in Kansas City, there isn’t a lot of multi-cultural churches.
  • How many offerings does it collect during a normal service?  I get annoyed at churches that take two and three different offerings.  It’s a preference thing.

Once I have those answers, then I will proceed.  I started asking the questions about this potential church.  He asked if he could call me to discuss.  Sadly, I was still thinking this was about the Church invite and nothing more, so I agreed.  He seemed annoyed by my questions right off the bat.  He asked why I needed to know the Mission Statement and Doctrine.  He was telling me it was a good church and that should have been enough for me.  I should have stopped the conversation right there, but I didn’t.  I kept talking to him with the thought I could help him understand the importance of these questions for future conversations he has with others.  I was trying to help him!  I decided he probably just didn’t know the answer and didn’t want to admit it, so I moved on to ask about the ethnic makeup and activities of the church.  He answered them with no problem.  Then he started asking me a couple of questions.  Did I believe in following the words of the Bible?, he asked me.  I thought it was an interesting question but wasn’t sure where he was going, so I answered it honestly.  I explained how I believed in the original writings of the Bible but felt it had been adjusted and changed to fit the needs of the man commissioning it, so you had to study before accepting the words as Gospel.  I then pointed out study was important anyway because the Bible said:

“Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth” – 2 Timothy 2:15 NASB

Accurately handling the word of truth is the key!  You can’t take words that fit where you want them to and ignore other words.  As I was breaking this down to him, he sorta blew my comment off and asked if I believed women should be submissive to men.  What the h*ll???  Where did that come from?  Ahhhh, he wasn’t about inviting me to Church, he was trying to get a date.  It was all coming clear to me.  Again, I should have just hung up, but now I was prepared to just have some fun.  A small part of me was disappointed though because now I knew I wouldn’t be checking out this church.   It also was a chance to argue about “wives submit” as it is understood in the Bible.  I started to explain to him that in the Greek writing, submission has different meanings depending on the context in which it is written because the language is a pictorial language, very different from English.  You have to understand it based on the surrounding text.  I tried to explain submission, hupotasso and hupakoe, can mean “listen attentively to”, it can mean “to lift one up”, but it has a military base, meaning that, even if there is a hierarchy of power, we still need to think things through and not just comply because someone said so.  Yes, I know I broke this down vaguely and perhaps, one day I will put it in more understanding words for everyone, but for the purpose of this blog, I’ll leave it at that, because the sad part is what was to follow.

He told me he didn’t care what the Greek bible said, he followed the King James Bible.  I was confused.  I paused, then tried to point out it wasn’t the “Greek” Bible, but the actual writings in the Bible.  The King James Bible was commissioned by King James back in 1604.  He replied, “I speak English and I follow the English Bible, The King James Bible!”

I was lost.  Was he serious?  Maybe I was just doing a poor job of communicating, so I decided to take a different route.  I tried explaining the Bible was originally written in a different language and then translated to English.  I explained King James is just like the other translations, just written in Old English.  I know different churches follow different editions of the Bible.  Almost every predominantly black Church I have ever been in tends to follow the King James Version, so I understood why he was loyal to the King James Bible, but I didn’t understand why he was arguing with me about the writing of the original Bible.

I was just about done with the conversation, realizing we were just going back and forth, when reality dawns on me…..I paused for a minute.  I asked him the following question:

Hey, you know the twelve apostles?  Matthew, John, Simon, etc….when they were walking around, talking to Jesus, what language do you think they spoke to each other?

His reply was one of the best I have ever heard in my life……

English of course

I lost it.  I couldn’t help it.  I think I laughed the loudest I have ever laughed at the time.  Then sadness hit me.  Here is an associate pastor of a good size local church who honestly believed the Bible was written in English.  He believed the apostles spoke English.  With such a myopic view of the world, how biblical based could any teachings of his be?  This is a true example of one of the things wrong with organized religion today.  We have uneducated, uninformed, leaders who have just blindly followed the teachings of those before them and teaching those behind him to blindly follow as well.

So now, in addition to the above questions…..when someone asks me to visit their church, one of my first questions I ask, “What language did the apostles speak when they spoke with Jesus?”

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What is the real anger behind the Josh Duggar Story? Parent Cover Up? Mistakes as a teen? Just wanting to be hateful? – HaliPawz

The Duggar Family of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting have been on television for over ten years now.  People love them or hate them.  Now the latest news is Josh Duggar was guilty of child molestation when he was a child himself.  I read quite a few of the articles and some of the “hate” articles that are quick to follow whenever anyone in the limelight gets caught doing something guilty.

Now, the latest news is that TLC has removed the show from their schedule.  While it is no surprise because we live in a society filled with knee jerk reactions, it still disappoints me.  Why does it come down to everyone trying to please everyone.  It isn’t possible!

I want to break down some of the stuff I found out about regarding this story and give my take on it.

Josh Duggar was 14 when all of this happened.  14 twelve years ago is not the same as 14 year olds today.  According to the stories, some of his sisters and others were affected.  Other stories say it was just his sisters.  Then another story says it happened more than during just one time and affected Jim Holt’s run for the senate.  So many different stories…..you have to wonder WHAT is the truth and what is fabricated to make for a better story.  The story is that he fondled (not raped) the girls while they were sleeping.  Does this make him a child molester or a curious, horny teenager who took advantage of the situation around him and explored with the girls around him.  Yes, it is horrible that it was his sisters along with others, I won’t deny that, but again, he was 14.  He recognized it was wrong and he admitted it to his parents when asked.  He didn’t lie, he didn’t deny it.  At 14, to recognize he had done something horrible and to want to take ownership of it says a lot.

His parents, being parents, did what they thought was best to help their son.  Did they handle it correctly?  Honestly, who are we to say yes or no?  What parent doesn’t go above and beyond to help a child in trouble?  Did they choose protecting their son over protecting their daughters?  No one knows.  There has been speculations that they stuck to the teaching where women are submissive so they had to just accept his apology, no matter what.  Perhaps that type of teaching doesn’t work for everyone, but it does work for some.  Who are we to question whether they forgave him because of their teachings or they forgave him because he openly asked for their forgiveness.  When someone apologizes SINCERELY, each person has the right to accept it or not.  It isn’t our place to speculate WHY they accepted it.  I’m sure many readers would admit a family member has done something wrong to another family member on one occasion or another and had to apologize.

I personally know women who are HAPPY to be in a submissive relationship and it isn’t based on religion, it is based on choice.  They are happy, healthy, and do not feel abused.  Take the word “Religion” out of it and no one seems to have a problem with it or seem to even realize it is happening, but the minute you put the “religion” label on it, then people add hate to it.  I have my own thoughts on organized religion but it doesn’t mean I automatically think everyone is wrong because their beliefs are not necessarily the same as mine.

They took Josh to a state trooper who gave him a “stern talking to” and sent him on his way.  While I agree this may seem strange, for anyone who is familiar with Arkansas, and how much it has changed over the last 15 years, you really wouldn’t be surprised. Add to the fact the state trooper Josh was taken to is now in jail himself for child pornography isn’t the Duggar’s fault!  I can not believe they would be ok with someone who was into child pornography.  It is just another example of how everything handled in this case may not have been the best way, but not due to the Duggar’s actions.

The parents discussed it with their church elders who gave them advice.  Did they give them poor advice?  Again, I’m not saying it is right or wrong, but the parents WENT and sought advice and then followed the advice.  Who isn’t guilty of going to someone we trust for advice and was given bad advice, yet we started to follow it or DID follow it.  They sought advice from those they thought would be helpful to them.  Clearly they didn’t hide this, it seems, by all counts, to be pretty common knowledge to those in their circle.  That doesn’t sound like parents who are trying to sweep it under the rug and make it disappear.  Did they want it out and discussed all the time?  Of course not!  Who would want a family’s dark moments discussed over and over again?  NO ONE!

I see posts who complain about Josh Duggar being around his three children and everyone should be worried.  Are you kidding me?  He isn’t a pedophile!!!  He didn’t go after pre-pubescent girls when he was 14.  It was girls his age.  It is that kind of thinking that truly brings harm to others.  That type of thinking who gets the emotionally minded fired up to take dangerous actions because they can not think for themselves and just act on emotions.

One last thing I read that made me laugh is that Mama June of Honey Boo Boo threatened to sue TLC if they didn’t cancel 19 Kids and Counting because their show was canceled……ummmmm how about the difference is one was a CONVICTED CHILD MOLESTER….that means the adult sought out children.  Not QUITE the same thing!  Come on, we are such a litigious country.

Do I think the Duggar family is perfect?  No, of course not.  What family is?  Do I believe they are above being held responsible for their actions?  No, of course not.  I don’t agree with their beliefs towards gay marriages and I personally believe every Christian would be accepting of gay marriages if they looked at it like I wrote here……but at the end of the day, whether I agree with them or not, I don’t believe they deserve the HATEFUL comments towards them, in this latest situation or in any of the others.

TLC shouldn’t pull the show in a knee jerk reaction.  If their followers CHOOSE to not watch because of this, then TLC can not bring them on for another season, but it should be left to the ratings, not to the haters.

If you like this and want to stay up to date with my posts, follow me on Twitter @HaliPawz  or Like me on Facebook.com/HaliPawz 

Relationship Happiness; Someone else’s fairy tales – HaliPawz

Little girls love reading fairy tales.  They love the ending where the prince whisks the princess away and they live happily ever after.  The End.

Growing up, I was not one of those girls.  I didn’t believe in them.  My analytical brain would break them down, point out the flaws, and chalk them up to ridiculousness.  My mom tells me I never cared for them; even before I was reading.  I don’t really remember because I was reading chapter books by kindergarten. Reading has always been something I loved to do, just not fairy tales.  I remember reading a huge book of stories my mom had from when she was a child. I loved it. It was filled with great stories about children, animals, etc.  I could accept talking animals but not fairy tales.  It probably explains all my issues today!

Science is something else I am comfortable with.  Science made sense. “If this, then that” mentality works for me.  It helped me for so many years in the optical industry. I could hear a problem and work through it to find a solution for the patient.  It was one of the reasons I was great at optics.  I believe my love for science and my dislike for fairy tales is the reason I never jumped on the “sci-fi” bandwagon.

As an adult, I still shied away from believing in “Happy Ever After.”  I learned through years of hurt, disappointments, and relationship failures I was better off helping others than thinking I would find happiness. I accepted the path.  I’m ok with it.  I’m happy with who I am.  This is not a “woe is me” blog. The ironic thing is, I am GREAT at helping others with relationships.  I always point out to my friends and acquaintances who come to me, “you know I suck at my own relationships, are you sure you want to ask me?” They still ask, I still answer, and, I’m almost always right.  I hate when it’s bad news I’m delivering to them because I WANT to be wrong, but I know I’m not. I remember one time, I discussed the direction a friend’s relationship was going to take almost step by step.  She thought I was crazy. I broke it down to days…”within 2-3 days, he’s going to do this or say that”…and I was correct every step I said,+/- a day or two.  Those odds are great when it’s good news and a happy relationship, not so good when I’m delivering bad news.

Please understand, I WANT my friends and family to have happy, healthy relationships. Just because I know it’s not meant for me doesn’t mean I don’t want it for others.  I love solving problems, I love making others happy. I will spend two hours on the internet scouring website after website looking for the perfect gift for someone I care about. I do it, not so they acknowledge how great the gift is, but because I would be so appreciative if someone did it for me.  To let someone know you cared enough to spend time THINKING about them, knowing enough about them, and then finding something they might not have even realized existed, is the best feeling.  I may come across to some as cold-hearted, one close friend even refers to me as “The Cold Hearted Assassin” but I honestly love making people laugh, smile, or just happy.  It makes me happy.

In my twenties, I was recovering from a difficult divorce which left me with huge trust issues.  The day I signed my divorce papers I learned so many things about my ex-husband; I didn’t even know who he was. I could not believe I shared a home and a life with a man I didn’t even know.  He had repeatedly lied to me and I was clueless.  Was I really so naïve? I learned to just date.  Honestly, dating for me was almost like alcohol to an alcoholic.  It was always “one more” and I didn’t care.  I was on a path filled with hurt but I wasn’t willing to venture off the path because every time I did, it was met with someone else lying to me.

I started working at Sam’s Club in 2001 and switched focuses.  I was obsessed with moving up the company ladder.  I didn’t give up dating but it did slow down.  I even met someone I liked.  Thought there was a possibility of a real future.  I accepted a promotion which, sadly, would take me away from my family, but I accepted because he was going to move with me, except he didn’t.  It was one excuse after another, but bottom line, I didn’t care about the excuses, I just knew I was alone in a city I knew no one, and it was rough.  My Happily Ever After thwarted again.

I knew I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes though.  I wasn’t going to have a flavor of the week.  I was too busy, for one, and I wanted a more meaningful, deeper connection.  Sadly, I learned, Kansas City is NOT the city to be single in.  The number of men I met who would lie to your face, put you at the bottom of their priorities, or would just want to sleep with you but not date was astounding! Don’t get me wrong, I’d have relationships here and there, but they always ended, usually badly.

I started to see a pattern. Patterns are good for me.  My analytical brain loves to break down patterns, determine where the hiccup was, and try to establish a new pattern.  Some of the patterns became funny to me.  For example, there were a couple of guys who lingered and I don’t know why.  I didn’t leave the door open, I would say we were through, but it was almost like they had a sensor and whenever I had met someone and thought, hey, this might work, I would get a text or call from them.  I would honestly just chuckle about it. They NEVER seemed to understand, even when I would tell them I’m dating someone and I’m happy.  They would disappear and resurface months later. One in particular, I could almost use a text from him as a confirmation I had met someone new.   Maybe he secretly has my phone tapped.  Who knows? It is funny to me.

I say all this because I understand patterns. I would meet men who were unavailable and have some of the best friendships with them.  Perhaps it was because they were unavailable, I let my walls down and let them get to know the real me.  The hard part is, sometimes they would fall for me.  They loved my personality, they loved my passion for life.  I began to believe I was cursed.  Men I couldn’t have loved me, but I couldn’t find a man I could love.

I gave up.  I accepted the fact I was here to help.  I was here to love, but only as someone who loves others, not to be in love.  I was here to write about my pain, my problems, so others would know it isn’t always Happily Ever After and its ok! You can STILL be HAPPY.  Don’t let a relationship status define your happiness.

The irony of this whole blog is the timing.  I started this weeks ago after discussing with a friend my happiness and happy ever after philosophies.  But I just couldn’t finish it.  I got as far as the first two paragraphs and would stop and rewrite.

Then I did something I never do.  I prayed. As a Christian, I believe in God, or a higher spirit, I just don’t really believe in organized religion.  When I pray, I don’t ask for anything for myself unless it’s wisdom or guidance. I may pray for the right words for someone.  I just don’t pray for things to make myself happy.  This time I did. I figured, it can’t hurt.  Within two days, I met someone.  I felt drawn to him, to help him. Conversations escalated quickly and I knew I could help him but I was disappointed.  Here was someone falling for me but I wasn’t falling for him. Ok God, message heard loud and clear.  I’m only here to help.  To fix problems.  I was disappointed but it was ok.

God has a sense of humor, I honestly believe He does.  I think he toys with those of us he knows can handle it just to break up the drudgery of dealing with those who always need Him.  The Bible says we are created in the likeness of Him, well look at brother / sister dynamics.  Look at close cousins.   The teasing / picking on each other has to come from somewhere.

God loves to mess with me, I’m convinced.  A couple of days after meeting the one I felt needed help, I met the most amazing man.  He was the type you say, dang, I’d marry him tomorrow if he asked me, knowing deep down, he wouldn’t, because stuff like that only happens in fairy tales and Hallmark movies.  My point is, it crossed my mind.  I laughed it off.  Silly girl thoughts.

Only I couldn’t ignore it like I had before.  I couldn’t just blow it off. I am careful about emotions. I don’t like them, except happiness.  I don’t trust love because I bomb at love.  I hate being hurt because it makes me feel weak and a little sad because I end up running when I’m hurt.  I hate being sad because no one ever wants to be sad.  So happiness is the only emotion I try to allow myself.

Back to patterns and God’s sense of humor.  I have really liked a lot of people, but to say I have loved a lot? No.  I don’t like love.  I don’t trust it.  Anytime I think it could be a possibility, I reassess it or, in almost every case, the minute I EVEN think it, or mention it to someone, within 48 hours, something happens and it explodes.  Trust me, it’s not me sabotaging it, sometimes I don’t even do or say anything to the person and something happens.  I just chalk it up to God getting the person out of my life for me.

With everything I have shared, it may come as a surprise to you, and to me, when something happened just recently, something so sweet and touching, my heart melted and did a flip-flop.  Wait, what? No. Feelings don’t happen that fast for me.  Ugh! I wasn’t ready for it.

I know, this is where you are saying, Aww …yay! Happily Ever After DID happen for her!

I was processing everything and made a phone call to someone who knows me all too well.  My exact words to her were, “I don’t do love” to which she laughed at me then listened to my story.  After I finished, I said, it doesn’t matter now, because it will explode within 48 hours because I acknowledged feelings. She made me assure her I wouldn’t sabotage anything and just see what happened. I promised her.  I knew it wouldn’t matter.  I am not meant for relationship happiness.  I have accepted it long ago, the only difference this time is I wasn’t looking for it.  I had pretty much given up, so I hadn’t prepared myself.

So what happened you wonder? Sadly, the 48 hours passed.  The explosion occurred. It’s ok.  Does it make me sad? Yes, a little, because it affects one of my deepest desires.  Does it hurt? Yes, of course.  I think the worst part is my ability to feel the shift in the other person’s feelings.  It has always been something I have been gifted with, but when it’s directed at me, it is more painful.

At the end of the day, I will survive.  I will do what I always do.  I will strive to be the best person I can be.  I will strive to do the best job I can do.  I will continue to write and share my life, my feelings, and my journey.

I will love.

The End

About Me

I love learning new things, experiencing the world around me.  I have gained a lot of knowledge over the years, through education, employment, as well as just studying topics in areas of interest.  With this knowledge, I love helping others.  I love doing new things.  If you are looking for help in any of the following areas, reach out to me:

HaliPawz@aol.com or 816-872-8450  Let me know what area you need help in and let’s see what we can do to make it happen.

My motto is, “You give me the dream, I’ll give you the solution to make it happen” 

Current Knowledge / Availability:

Freelance Writer – If you need content written for your website, product reviews, event coverage, let me know.  Reach out to me, let me know what it is you need done.  I’ll work out a price for you.  Can be a one time thing or set up on a continual basis.

Small Business Start-Up Consultant / Small Business Management – Getting ready to start your own business and feeling overwhelmed?  You have the talent but not the management skills?  I have experience helping small businesses, churches, as well as 501(c)3 organizations get up and running with ease.  From branding, business planning, employee hiring and training, website development, content.  You share with me the areas you need help with, I give you the solutions.  Depending on the contract, I will stay with you throughout the first 30, 60, or 90 days of Grand Opening / Official Launch.

Social Media Manager – Are you a small business owner or managing a 501(c)3 organization who is overwhelmed with Social Media?  I can manage the different platforms, help with content, both organic and shared, as well as help you learn how to navigate it as well.  I offer different packages based on your business needs. I can also do special event social media coverage.  If your business organization is having a special event you want promoted via social media, I can handle all of those details for you starting one month prior (or later), the day(s) of the event, as well as one week following

Brand Ambassador – Have a product you need showcased?  Need someone to share your brand for you?  I will meet with you, if it is a brand I can support, I will work with you on it.  I will not accept any brand which goes against anything I believe in.

Optician – I love the optical industry.  I love helping others discover the best solutions for all of their eye care needs.  Schedule too busy to pick out eye wear?  Have a special needs family member where they will be more comfortable picking out eye wear in their own environment?  Not a problem.  I do a 5 – 15 minute phone or Skype conversation, get all of the details about what your are looking for, then set up a time to bring the frames to you for you to choose from.  We can do multiple family members at once if that is easier for you.  All you need is a valid eyeglass prescription and I will do the rest.

Ordained Minister – Yes, I said it.  I am an ordained minister.  I can perform weddings, funerals, and special events.  As someone who isn’t a fan of organized religion, I want your event to go the way YOU want it to go, your style, your location; as long as it’s legal, I’ll perform the ceremony.  Want to get married at 12:01am on a special day?  I’ll do it.  I enjoy the unique but can also perform a traditional ceremony.  All services will be catered to fit your needs.

About who I am:

I live in Kansas City, Missouri with my two dogs; Zipper, my Jack Russell Terrier and Bella, my Neapolitan Mastiff.  I am an avid dog / animal lover.

As a child of a parent who suffered from Alzheimer’s for 10 years, I am also an avid supporter of all endeavors to find a cure for such a horrific disease.

I love to give back, volunteering my time for causes I feel are important to me.

Stay busy, keep learning, keep loving life.  Words I live by every day.