Category Archives: Every Day Life

This is about my every day life and the craziness around it. Be it good, bad, or indifferent, I wouldn’t want it any other way!

by

Microwave Dating

We live in a world of instant gratification. No one wants to put in the work to see WHERE a relationship can go, let alone put in the work to make it last.

I refer to dating today as microwave dating.

Think about how an oven cooks.  It cooks very slowly from the outside in.  The heat slowly seeps into the meat, allowing the flavors to simmer in the heat.

A microwave cooks differently.  A microwave causes the water molecules in the food to agitate at atomic levels, generating heat, which in turn cooks the food.  The radio waves affect the food as a whole, not from the outside in, so everything heats up quickly.  Microwave food is quick, it’s easy.  Think about heating up something that has multiple ingredients in it.  For example, heating up a piece of pie.  Because the liquid pie filling heats up quicker than the denser, flaky crust, you have to be careful biting into it.  The crust may be a perfect temperature, but the filling could be so hot it burns your mouth.

Relationships can be compared to ovens and microwaves.

The simmer is similar to getting to know each other.  When you think about putting a roast in the over, think about how the meat looks as you are preparing it.  It is a thick chunk of meat.  It is red and unappealing.  It is compact.  As you allow the roast to simmer on a low heat, the thickness begins to break down.  The meat begins to separate slightly, allowing all of the flavors and juices to fall down into the meat, flavoring it throughout, not just on the outside surface.  Getting to know someone can be viewed the same way.  When you first meet someone, they give you the person they want you to meet.  Sometimes they have walls up, making it difficult to get to know the true person.  As those walls break down, their true personality comes out.  Like a roast, if you have a great cut of meat, the flavors and the end result is comforting, appealing, enjoyable.  When it is a bad cut of meat, it is hard, unappetizing.  People are the same way.  Taking the time to get to know someone, you learn if they are a great person or not.  You learn if you want them around you for long periods of time.  When they aren’t the right person for you, it isn’t enjoyable to be near them.  It doesn’t mean the person is bad, just perhaps bad for you.  Sometimes the same ingredients yield different results, depending on how you heat them.  Take a French Bread Pizza for example.  Taken out of the freezer, preparing one in the microwave and one in the oven.  Both are edible.  Same ingredients.  The one out of the over will always taste just a little bit better.

When you jump into a relationship, believing they are your soul mate after one date, discussing the future before you even spend one minute with them puts you into the microwave dating world.  It may be hot and sizzling quickly but it doesn’t have the true flavor that comes from allowing it to simmer.  Sometimes it heats up so quickly that it overheats and explodes causing you to have to throw it away and leaving you with a mess to clean up.

Don’t get me wrong, microwaves are great.  They serve their purpose.  When you need something quick and filling, you throw it in the microwave, pull it out, eat, and move on.  Think about all of your greatest “meal” moments.  Was that meal prepared in the oven or the microwave?  There is a reason you don’t prepare Thanksgiving dinner in a microwave.  “Slow roasted has more appeal than “cooked quickly in a microwave” A home cooked meal is still synonymous with being prepared slowly in an oven or on a stovetop.

The next time you’re ready to  enter into a relationship, think about what you want.  Do you want a slow, simmered, tasty one or a quick, explosive one?

by

Organization: Code Pantry

I hate mice! Seriously hate mice. I have been battling a mouse problem for a couple of months now. I think it’s time to bring in an expert.

Always one to look at the positive, this problem has kickstarted me into cleaning / organizing my house. Visit my tips for organization: Organization for a Messy Person

Because of the rodent problem, I decided to start with my pantry. It helps that my mom bought me the Oxo soft works 12 piece kit from Sam’s Club for Christmas. I wanted the Oxo brand because I did a lot of research on the Internet and was impressed with their ratings as well as the fact they were square & rectangular instead of round. I liked the pop top feature. As I opened it, was so happy with the size varieties in the pack. Too often, when you buy the multiple piece kits you end up with a bunch of useless sizes. Not the case with this pack. Sam’s Club 12 piece Oxo Pack

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/cc6/59822368/files/2015/01/img_1507.jpg

I loved that Oxo included a booklet with suggestions as to what would fit in it each canister. Since I am not an organized person, I’m not great at figuring those things out. Using the guide Oxo provided, I was able to put some thought into each one and maximize the set.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/cc6/59822368/files/2015/01/img_1508.jpg

I also made out labels of the key items I wanted to put in the containers. By doing this, I could pick the ones I needed for each item and was able to best utilize each container. Is it perfect? Of course not, I am NOT the perfect organizer. Is it perfect for me? YES. The best part is now the mice will not smell all the pantry goodies and hopefully stay out of there. Of course, I’ll keep using the peppermint spray and Altoids! 😄

Even though I labeled most of the items, I also put a recipe on the French’s French Fried Onions (also purchased at Sam’s Club) container so I would have it handy. If I try it and don’t like it, I’ll just throw the recipe away.

I still need a couple more containers. Now I just need to decide if I’m going to buy them individually or just purchase another 12 piece set from Sam’s Club.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/cc6/59822368/files/2015/01/img_1509.jpg

by

Organization for a Messy Person – Getting Started

I’ve never been a resolution person. I didn’t need a “date” to tell me to start doing something better. For me, the decision was made due to an entirely different problem.  Mice. Yes, mice. Those annoying little rodents had decided to take up residents in my home and in my quest to stop them, I decided I had to make a change. As I tried to catch them, I realized I had a lot of JUNK in my way!

I’m not a dirty housekeeper. I keep dishes washed, food put away. I’m a pack rat (no pun intended) and tend to throw stuff in boxes, bags, things I should either use or throw-away. I tend to keep things with the thought I’ll use them later. I receive free samples & instead of using them, I save them, thinking to myself, “I’ll save it and use it for __________” only to forget about it and find it months later, often no good or expired. I buy things on sale thinking “I’ll use that for _________ but ________ never comes” so the item ends up going to waste.

I made a resolution a few weeks back to make a change. It was time to get the house organized. It was time to make sure I use the items I purchase. Even the free stuff I receive for whatever reason; I am going to use it, donate it, give it away to someone, or throw it away.

I made the resolution but did NOTHING to change it right away. Then, slowly, I started seeing the house differently. I saw the dust more. I saw the dog hair on the floor. I know, I know, that’s cleaning, not organization, but it all goes together. I started sweeping and dusting more often. I started putting things away. I looked around and it all looked a little overwhelming. Where to start?

It is difficult to get organized when you aren’t a organized type of person. When you are a “throw everything into a box to look at it later” person it isn’t easy getting started.

The Internet is a great place to find suggestions.  You can get some wonderful ideas, ideas that appear simple, until you get started. Then you realize….I will NEVER be THAT organized! Is it tempting to give up when you have those thoughts? YES!

Here is my advice. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Ha, yes, I know it’s easier to say then do, so let me try some better advice.

The first thing to do is to accept  this as fact; organization isn’t your forte. It’s OK. It isn’t a big deal. You can still make it work.

Search the Internet for ideas. Look for realistic ideas. It’s nice to have goals but let’s face it, if it’s too difficult, you will stop half way and never go back. Find plans YOU know are obtainable for YOU.

Start small. Instead of saying, “I’ll start with this bedroom” start with the bedroom closet. Yes! I said a closet. If you are anything like me, a closet in your house probably holds more than one box filled with unnecessary items. By starting with something so small, you will be able to get through it, complete it, feel good about it, and feel motivated to keep going.

Don’t get distracted. Again, if you are anything like me, reality is you start in one room and end up in an entirely different room. How many times have you started cleaning / organizing a bedroom only to wind up cleaning your stove?!? Nothing gets done. You wind up frustrated. The cycle repeats.

Start prepared. For the person who HATES cleaning / organizing, it is easy to find an excuse to stop. Trust me, I get it. I honestly think I have a slight form of adult ADHD and can stop simply because I get distracted. <—-see what I did? Came up with an excuse to stop before I even truly got started! It is so easy! Back to preparation. Are you a list person? A visual person? I have learned to appreciate lists but I am more of a visual person. For me, I started out with drawings of each of my rooms. I draw out the closets or items that will need organized. For example, if you have a dresser, make that a “room” in your mind. Trust me, one dresser could be as annoying as a whole room sometimes.

Here are some examples:

GUEST BEDROOM
*Closet
*Dresser
*Table
*Bed
*Room itself

2015/01/img_1570.jpg

KITCHEN
*Pantry
*Table (yes, for me, a table can be a full item!)
*Sink side under cabinets / drawers
*Sink side over cabinets
*Stove side under cabinets
*Stove side over cabinets
*Lazy Susan
*Countertop

2015/01/img_1569.jpg

Dining Room
*Closet
*Hutch
*Dog Area
*Cabinet
*Corner Area
*Room Itself

2015/01/img_1571.jpg

Ok, you get the idea. Break it down to manageable areas. Stick to your chosen area! Do not stray.

Have boxes ready. One for trash. One for donations. One for items you want to sell. Then have boxes ready for the other rooms in the house. Do not take the items to the room when you pick them up. Put them in the box labeled for the room it is going to. Remember the “easily distracted” problem? I have learned not to follow the thought, “Only touch an item once” style. Those that can, it’s great. They are the ones who end up with picture perfect homes. I am not such a person. I will walk away and never make it back to the area I started in! Do not do it. Resist temptation. Put the item in the appropriate box. Do not go and make a spot someplace else for something. Only focus on the area you are working on. If you know you need to make a spot for something coming into the area you currently at, make the spot, but DO NOT go get the item (unless you need it for sizing).

Once you are done, admire it. Will it be picture perfect? No. You aren’t that kind of person. Will it be organized? Yes! So you have accomplished your goal! It doesn’t have to be picture perfect, just perfect for you. Be proud of your accomplishment!

Now to deal with the filled boxes. Empty the trash box first. You do not want an opportunity to second guess yourself! Yes, I know it happens. Dump the box into a large trash bag and put something icky on top of it so you aren’t tempted (if you need to). The donate box should be taken to the appropriate place right away unless there is only one or two items. The quicker the box is gone, the less likely you are to second guess yourself. You may want to consider having two different donation boxes. For example, I have one for goodwill and another for a local animal shelter. Old sheets, towels, etc can be used at an animal shelter. If the item can be repurposed instead of throwing it away, that is the best. You may want to check your local free cycle website before you take the box someplace.  There may be some local Facebook repurposing sites, look for them as another option.

The sell box is the dangerous box. Too many times, we box something up for the yard sale we never have. Yes, I know….you’re going to have one but…. Been there. Done that. Instead of saving it for the yard sale, look to see if there is a local social media site to list the item on. In Kansa City, you can use KC Virtual Yard Sale.  Another way is to post the items on Craigslist. It is best to put the price you want or best offer. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the item is. Put it on there. If you are not set on making money for the item, check local repurpose sites. Keep the box to the side for one week. If no one responds in a week, you should consider donating it. If you are still intent on selling it, move it to a larger “sell” box and put a date to donate on it. (No more than 6 months). Try to repeat the sites mentioned above again in 60-90 days.

Remember to update the listings on social media & Craigslist as you sell or get rid of the items. If you do sell the items, be smart about it. Do not allow people you do not know into your home. Meet at a local store parking lot to exchange the item. A place you know has cameras. Preferably in the daytime. TRUST YOUR GUT. If someone or something feels strange, don’t do it. Don’t rationalize. If you are truly not comfortable selling the items online or they are larger items, consider talking to a consignment shop. They will give you an idea if it’s worth selling or not.

Take the other boxes to the next area you will be working in. DO NOT TAKE THEM TO THE ROOM THEY ARE INTENDED FOR. You only take the box there when you are ready to start in that room (or one of the areas in the room).

If you are like me and know you will lose focus quickly if you spend too much time in one area, break up the areas. For example, do a closet in one room, then do a dresser in another room. Pick a difficult area one day / time, then an easier area the next. There are no rules stating you must finish a whole room before you move to another one. That is why smaller areas are so important.  The most important think is to keep going.  Don’t get discouraged.

You should have a designated holding area for the items you have listed on social media / Craigslist. The area should be neat. Keep the boxes and items stacked up.

There will be items you just do not want to part with. It’s ok. Sometimes you just have want to keep stuff. Get a few plastic bins, nothing too big. They should be stackable and liftable. Label the boxes. Store them in a safe area away from extreme temperatures and possible water damage. Before an item goes in there, really think about it. Is it a memory you are holding on to? Is it something you want to pass down? What is the real reason you are keeping it? Could someone else benefit from having it? Those questions should be answered BEFORE you decide the item is “keep forever” worthy. Only YOU can truly decide why or what you want to keep. It doesn’t have to make sense to someone else, but it does have to make sense to you.

Remember to check off the areas as you complete them! Celebrate your accomplishments!

Here is a picture of my kitchen counter top and one cabinet. I didn’t make it messier to make the finished project look better, but I had just returned home from being gone and I was piling a lot more on my counter with Altoids all around them to keep the mice away.

2015/01/img_1514.jpg

I will be posting updates as I move forward with each area. I hope they encourage you to start as well. It also keeps me accountable to getting it done.

I started with the kitchen because of my mouse problem but there is no right or wrong place to start.

Leave comments as you move forward with your own cleaning / organization.

Have a great 2015 and beyond!

by

The Mice Battle Me vs. Them

I have mice. No one WANTS mice, it’s hard to admit it, yet here I am, battling mice. I want to say I have a mouse, because having one mouse sounds better than saying I have mice, but even I can’t convince myself of this anymore, since I saw two in my kitchen at the same time.

This battle has been going on for a couple of months now. I feel as if I am becoming a mouse expert with all of the research I have been doing. The one thing I have learned….there is no fool proof way to get rid of mice!

It all started a couple of months ago when I saw a mouse run along the wall of my living room. I started looking around and discovered they had found my open bag of dog food in my downstairs office. I had taken in a friend’s dog for a short time and I fed him in there. Never once thought about the bag of dog food being mouse heaven. I called a friend to ask for help. I hate killing living creatures so the thought was to catch & release like we had done one other time. This mouse was FAST and smart. He wasn’t having it.

I went out and bought a live trap from Wal-Mart. I was confident I was going to catch this mouse and all would be right in my world again.

I had caught the mouse! I was so happy. Seeing as how I freak out over the little creatures, I called on yet another friend to release it for me far, far away. I moved the dog food to a plastic bin. I had my house back! Yes!

Or so I thought. When my friend came back with the trap, it was in a couple of pieces (it had fallen apart as he was releasing them) and he said he had to was it. Wash it??? What??? He informed me I had caught two, not one and they had made a mess in the trap. My instant thought….NO WAY. The live trap has to go! I know it seems ridiculous but I did not want to have to keep cleaning this trap and putting it back together. I told him to just throw it away.

As I rounded the corner of my house, I screamed. It wasn’t a blood curdling, someone is trying to murder me scream, but it was a scream none the less. Sitting on TOP of my plastic dog food bin I had JUST put dog food in about an hour ago were three – four baby mice and one down on the floor! Since math WAS a strong subject, I could put it all together. Four or more baby mice plus two captured equals a big problem!

I scoured the Internet. I found out peppermint oil is supposed to repel mice. When I couldn’t find Peppermint Oil at the Wal-Mart I was at, a quick search helped me find a recipe of warm water, crushed Altoids, and dish detergent.

I loaded up on mousetraps. Not the live ones this time. When it was just a visitor passing through, I was ok with the catch & release. When they are so comfortable in my home they have a tea party, out in the open, they overstayed their welcome and need to be gone by any means necessary. Still being a squeamish baby about them, I bought the type you can’t see them in. I wanted to kill them, throw the trap away, and set out a new one. I did not want to have to see a dead mouse, I did not want to have to touch anything. I did not want the mice in my home anymore.

I chose those traps over the glue because I’m still humane, I didn’t want to have a mouse suffer a slow death. I didn’t want to SEE the mouse. Most importantly, I have two dogs of my own plus the additional one at that time, one of mine being a Jack Russell, I did not want the mouse to become a toy. Those were the reasons for not getting the poison bait. If they had to die, I wanted it to be in the most humane way possible.

Coming home, I set the traps with peanut butter and went to work making my Altoids / water / dish soap mixture. I sprayed EVERYWHERE. At every door, around my pantry, anyplace I could think of. My goal was to keep the mice confined to the two rooms I had seen them in and kill them. I’ll admit, a small part of me hoped they would be so repelled by the peppermint oil they would run fleeing from my home, never to return. We all know THAT didn’t happen. Surprisingly, the peppermint spray appeared to be working for a short time. I sprayed almost daily under the doors of the rooms I was trying to keep them in. I even saw one mouse start to run under the door, stop half way, and acted almost like he was having a seizure of some kind. A SMART person would have used that opportunity to capture it, a freaked out person like myself swatted at him with a broom and ended up pushing him back through the door where he scampered off, leading me to believe the peppermint spray was working in some aspects. The traps were also working slowly. I was throwing one away daily (I had three set in the room). With the help of a friend not scared of the mice, we found their dog food stash (mice can move quite a bit of product) and vacuumed it all up.

With their food supply gone and the spray forcing them to stay in those two rooms, I honestly believe I could have gotten a handle on them….but….I went out of town for a week. No daily sprays meant they were able to venture out. Sure enough, I came home to discover they were in my kitchen. My heart sank. It made me nauseous to think they were in my kitchen. I mean that literally. Whenever I would see a trace of them, I would get physically ill.

Phone call to the same friend (Thank GOD for great friends) and she came over to help me clean my pantry and look for the mouse. We took everything out, wiped down everything with Clorox wipes, threw away everything even remotely having the appearance of a mouse being near it, placed Altoids on the shelves, and put it back in order. I have since switched everything to Oxo canisters so they are air tight. I set a trap on the floor of the pantry and then sprayed the doorway with my spray. I figured, if the spray kept them away, GREAT, if one breached, the trap would catch them before they made it up to the shelves. The trap didn’t go off for over 6 weeks and no signs of any mice on the shelves, so it has worked somewhat.

Now we are up to today. I was out of town for Christmas and sadly, I came home to mice taking up residence in my stove. Yes, my stove! Another phone call (she really should start charging me) and we begin the process of Operation Stove Removal only to discover I have a weird stove and we can not access the area between the stove top and the oven. We googled

****Funny story interjection****
As I was writing this, I kept hearing a noise in my kitchen. I would get up, turn the light on, and would see a scurry back into the stove opening. This happened three times. The fourth time I heard something, I had my eye focused directly in the area it was coming from and I see the mouse briefly on my microwave. I take a couple deep breaths to avoid freaking out and go investigate. Apparently I had received a sample of dog food, the kind in the tubes, and put it up on my microwave. I have no idea how long it had been there (it was in a decorative glass) but the mouse found it. There was a good chunk of it gone. It is thrown away, microwave cleaned off, disinfected, and the dishes on it have been washed. Back to my writing! ***********

As I was saying, we even Googled how to tear the stove apart. No luck. The stove is mounted into my counter top. The space between the stove top and the oven has a couple small holes. Through those holes, we can see insulation, but no way to access it easily. I made the decision to NOT tear it out. I decided to try other measures first. FYI, if you are thinking, hey, just turn the stove on, it didn’t work. Research says they just run somewhere else and return when it’s cooled down again.

After messing with the stove, I did kill one more mouse but it appears they are getting smarter or more adventurous. Back to the Internet for more research.

I found a product called Fresh Cab. It is supposed to be a rodent repellant. Another “natural” product. The reviews were pretty favorable except in situations where the rodents already exist. Upon doing more research, I discovered some possible reasons why that might me, and decided to try it. Amazon had it cheaper but Tractor Supply had it in stock, so off to TSC I went. I bought 2 boxes equalling 8 pouches. I opened them, read the instructions, dated them, and then set out strategically placing them around the house. It was very clear in the instructions NOT to place them near traps. I’m not a fan of the pine scent, but if they work, I’ll live with it.

Ironically, the mouse eating the tube of dog food I mentioned was found less than a foot from where I placed the first pouch of Fresh Cab. Had I not done my research, I would have thought it didn’t work and thrown them away and sent for my money (They have a money back guarantee) but I am not giving up on it yet because
1. I read it is not a repellant like Peppermint Oil is supposed to be. It is a detractor. It is supposed to mess with the mouse’s sense of smell, making them think there is no food available.
2. Mice have weird memories, that is why they say to keep putting traps in the same area. If they KNOW a path leads to food, they will keep following it. With that in mind, the mouse clearly had been chomping on this tube for a few days, so his sense of memory was more powerful than the Fresh Cab (in theory).

I placed the Fresh Cab in one area, the traps with the yummy peanut butter in another direction, so they would be compelled to head towards the trap.

Another thing I have done is throw one or two chopped pecan pieces around the trap. Knowing about their memory, I figured, if they have one or two easy ones to access, they will come back and get the “bait” next and the trap will kill them.

One interesting observation is the Altoids. My first tin I opened and used seemed to work great. I never saw a mouse near anything I had an Altoid sitting on or near. They didn’t seem to go near any areas I sprayed. This new tin I opened I cannot say the same. I even think the mice are carrying the Altoids pieces away! I don’t know if this second tin used less peppermint oil in the manufacturing or not, but I find it strange.

I have not tried the 100% peppermint oil that so many people mention. The Wal-Mart I went to did not have any in stock. I looked today and it appears the one I am heading to has some in stock. I am going to try an experiment with it and will post the results.

I have contacted a company about coming out and looking for the areas in my home the mice may be getting in. It is $159 but considering how much I have already spent on traps, Fresh Cab, Altoids, and soon Peppermint Oil, it might be worth it. Not to mention all the pantry items I had to throw away. At least my house is getting clean an organized!

After all this, the bottom line is mice are a pain in the butt! It is not a simple fix. It takes time and diligence.

If you can stand the sight of the dead mouse and you don’t mind reusing the trap, the wooden traps are the least expensive. If you are a big baby like myself, there are some affordable alternatives. One key is to make sure to have the opening right near the wall so they run in as they are running along the wall.

The cheapest one is D-Con No Touch No View Mousetrap. Less than $5 for a two pack at Wal-Mart

2015/01/img_1551.png

PROS: Inexpensive, Easy to use, easy to see the indicator

CONS: The indicator sometimes doesn’t work. (If it wasn’t clear & the
door was closed, I threw it away) Round (didn’t always fit in tighter areas) Slippery on hard floors so you had to take more care placing them.

Another trap I used and had a quick results is Victor Kill & Seal Mouse Trap About $10 for a 2 pack

2015/01/img_1552.png

PROS: Easy to use, easy to load bait, shape fits easily against wall, Blends in well against lighter colored baseboards

CONS: More Expensive. If bumped, a little difficult to reset

The third one I used is Ortho Home Defense Max Kill and Contain Mouse Trap. About $8 for a pack of 2

2015/01/img_1555.png

PROS: extremely narrow, will fit in tighter areas. Easy to load bait. Easy to set first time.

CONS: Haven’t caught a mouse in it yet. My dog seemed fascinated with it. Difficult to reset if it gets bumped. Messy if bumped (bait sorta falls everywhere, then out when you pick it up to reset).

I have caught the most mice with the first one, but to be fair, I have purchased them the most. My thought is, if they are the cheapest, no harder to use, and work, go with them.

As for bait, peanut butter seems to work well. I but the great value kind to give my dog his medicine with, so I’ve been using that. Chopped pecans also work. Ironically, Ole Roy dog food works well. My dogs eat Acana and Earthborn…using that as bait didn’t get the same results. I’m guessing it is because they are both grain free. Any type of seed, grain, or nut appear to yield the best results.

I hope I have helped the next person battling mice to not have to go digging around multiple days to get all the different information I was able to compile over time!

Good luck!

by

I’m OK as “Another Woman” but not as “The Other Woman”

No matter how you look at it, double standards exist in our society still. It is considered socially acceptable for a man to date multiple women, sleep with multiple women, but when a woman dates more than one man, sleeps with more than one man, she is considered “easy” or a “slut”. Apparently no one has done the math. If the man is sleeping with multiple women, those women have to come from somewhere! I hate the double standards but have come to understand ignore the double standards and live my life for myself when it comes to relationships.

I am ok dating someone who is dating other women. Until we choose to use the word monogamy, I have no expectations from him. It also means I don’t guarantee he is the only man I’m dating. I don’t date like that today, mostly due to time, but I’m also ok dating someone when he tells me he’s dating others. Is it ideal? Not always. Is it reality? Sadly, yes. I would just like to know upfront. No surprises. No cheating.

This takes me to the real reason for the post. Women (and men) have to learn there is a difference between being “Another Woman” and being “The Other Woman”. They must determine what they are comfortable with.

I will NEVER advocate being “The Other Woman” and encourage women to stay away from the men that set those expectations. This is a clear example of a man willing to cheat. If he’s comfortable cheating, he’s comfortable lying. If he is lying to his current wife, girlfriend, significant other then he will be completely comfortable lying to you. I know you want to believe he wouldn’t fall into that behavior with you….he’s so honest with you up front, he would never lie. Do not fall for it! He will. If he’s comfortable living in a constant state of deceit, he will not think twice about lying to you eventually, if not right away.

Being “Another Woman” is different. Perhaps he isn’t ready for commitment but enjoys dining out, attending local events. He isn’t ready to be with just one woman. He’s open and honest about it. He tells the woman up front. She is ok with it and accepting of it. Perhaps she is dating other men. Perhaps she doesn’t have the time to devote to a full relationship but enjoys the companionship of a man from time to time. It doesn’t make either party a bad person. It just means they want to be open and honest up front. The relationship doesn’t always stay this way, sometimes it develops into a lasting, monogamous relationship. Sometimes feelings develop for one person but not the other, so the two decide to part ways. There is no right or wrong answer to how this type of relationship works, as long as both parties are happy.

It is a mistake when one goes into the open relationship, not because they want an open relationship, but because they feel it is the only way they can be with the person. This will only lead to hurt and lack of trust. There is a false understanding of the relationship. If you can not accept the fact that the man you are dating may be dating other women, DO NOT say you are ok with an open relationship.

The tricky part is when the guy sends you mixed signals. If he says he’s in an open relationship but refers to another woman as his girlfriend but doesn’t say the same about you….the “openness” isn’t truly open. You are the “Other” woman. If he keeps your activities private but blasts all his time with her on social media, it is not an open relationship. Men can be smooth. He may give you a good reason. Perhaps he’ll say “she knows I date others but I don’t throw it in her face” or “I was dating her before you so she gets the label” Ladies, when you hear things like this, YOU are the OTHER woman. If he isn’t willing to give you the same level of respect he gives her (or anyone), I recommend you reconsider the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, it should not be FLAUNTED when you are dating someone in an open situation. Be respectful, don’t post pictures of the two of you hugging / kissing on social media. If you wouldn’t want to see the same pictures of him with another woman, don’t post them of the two of you. Wait until you decide to make it a monogamous relationship (or a polyamorous relationship). Do not call him your boyfriend, significant other, etc. He’s not. He’s not willing to give you a commitment so you don’t give him a title.

Another concern would be the number of women he’s dating. If you don’t want to know, DO NOT ASK! It is that simple. If you are ok with him dating one or two others for a short time and find out he’s dating six, you might want to reconsider getting involved with him. The more women he’s dating / the more men you’re dating, the more your time and attention will be divided. Is it going to be enough time for you?

If you decide you want it to be more but one (or both) of you are not ready for monogamy, discuss polyamory. Be prepared your friends / family may not be acceptable of a polyamorous relationship.

Relationships take work and compromise. The most important thing to remember is the compromise you make should NEVER emotionally hurt you. If he wants an open relationship and you don’t, walk away. If you want a polyamorous relationship and he doesn’t, walk away if you’re not willing to be monogamous. Nothing has to be decided in a day, relationships & emotions do not happen overnight.

Be true to yourself. Know what you’re ok with and what you aren’t. Comprise when needed, don’t compromise when it is going to hurt you.

No matter what, avoid being the “Other” woman. Lies need to stay out of the relationship. It is the only way to build a solid foundation of communication and trust….the key to ANY relationship in our lives.

by

Dogs, Couch, Sleep…Bad Combination

I know all the reasons I should not fall asleep on the couch. Common sense tells me to just take my butt to bed but it isn’t that easy. You have to understand, sleepy brain has been shown to be as dangerous as drunk brain when it comes to driving, so I have to believe it impairs the thought process in general. I have never been drunk, so I have nothing to compare it to….so to make me feel better about my silly decisions in this post, I am sticking to this theory!

I feel I need to include a little backstory. Tuesday was spent working all day. Literally all day. My creative juices were flowing so I was on my laptop practically all day. I started a new project about 11:30pm Tuesday night and finally closed the laptop at 4:30am Wed morning. I went to sleep around 5am and was back up around 8am. 3 hours is enough for me to function but then I’m tired the next night. I felt it was important to explain HOW tired (it helps with my sleep brain theory)! I fell asleep, sitting in the chair, watching TV. I woke up to a Great Dane trying to get in the chair with me. You see, that’s a key point! I didn’t wake up on my own, I was FORCED to wake up. Startled even. Ok, startled may be a stretch. I guess Titan decided I had been away from him too long and wanted to be closer. Titan, a one year old Great Dane, is very needy affectionate.

Sitting in a chair with a Great Dane that cannot seem to get comfortable is not easy, even when I’m awake, but downright annoying when I’m tired. I stand up with the intent to go upstairs to go to bed. I shut off the lights (the REAL reason I’m always receiving “you use more electricity than your neighbors” letters. I’m about to head upstairs when my sleepy brain kicks in.

First, I would have to put the gates up because Titan and Bella are both counter surfers. You can understand….those SUPER HEAVY gates I use that are so cumbersome to put in place. There are so many of them. Sleepy brain kicks in and reminds me if I just crash on the couch I’m standing next to, I wouldn’t have to mess with the gates. They don’t counter surf when I’m downstairs with them. Sleepy brain…you have a valid point. Now, I’m not that easy. Sleepy brain doesn’t win that easy! I argued a little. The gates aren’t heavy at all, there are only two, and I walk right by one as I head upstairs.

The stairs. The dreaded stairs. Sleepy brain reminds me I have 30 stairs to climb to get upstairs and I have to dodge flying missiles on my way up. Reality, I have 13 stairs. The flying missiles are the three dogs fighting each other to be the first up the stairs. The first one in the bedroom gets the prime spot they want on the bed. At least, that’s what I think goes through their mind in the race upstairs. Sleepy brain tells me I am too tired to fight them and won’t have the strength in my voice to just tell them to wait as I walk up. Sleep brain is pretty convincing. Just as I am about to win the debate in my head, Sleep Brain reminds me I left a few things on my bed earlier in the day. That is the winning argument. I don’t have the energy to clean them off and with three dogs vying for a spot, not moving them is not an option. Sleepy brain does a little victory dance as I lay down on the couch.

My couch was comfortable pre Titan. It had thick cushions along the back that you can just sink into. After coming home multiple times to those cushions laying on my deck, thanks to an over active Great Dane puppy who has an affinity for taking thinks out my dog door, I removed all the cushions. Without the cushions, it’s just a hard back surface. Of course, it’s also a lot wider without the cushions.

As I’m laying down, trying to get comfortable, I’m also keeping two piranhas dogs at bay. They are both eager to jump up on the couch with me. I get settled with my blanket over me. Within 5 seconds I have Titan climbing over me to lay down by my feet and Zipper, my Jack Russell, jumping up to lay up by my chest. Zipper has dog aggressions from time to time and still hasn’t fully accepted Titan in the house. I’m always on alert when those two are near each other because Zipper can get aggressive when he’s laying with me. He’s fine if Titan is asleep first but if he’s up near me first, he doesn’t always let Titan up. Yes, the 18lb dog rules the house.

I keep the ottoman near the couch so Bella, my Neapolitan Mastiff, can also be close. She is such a good girl. She’s happy to just chill on the ottoman, away from all the dog drama. She isn’t very cuddly at night. I think her Mastiff side kicks in and she’s on guard duty. The irony is, when she DOES want to cuddle, she just pushes the other two out of the way and claims her spot.

You would think this is where my story ends, but it isn’t. It is really where it begins! You see, I’m sound asleep, oblivious to the devious mind at work, until I am forced awake by a cold, very wet, nose. Ugh! Titan had just gotten a drink and felt I needed to be awake with him. Lucky me. I close my eyes to go back to sleep. Titan begins pacing. I’m so tired I don’t think a lot about it. I tell him to lay down and start dozing. I feel a heavy head plop on my arm. I start to doze again. Titan wakes me up again.

What is his problem?

I slightly shift and realize his dilemma. He had climbed off the couch and the evil one (Zipper) had moved down to where Titan had vacated. Zipper NEVER lays at my feet unless it’s to torment Titan. Titan knows he is the underdog in this house. He doesn’t dare try to move Zipper. I chuckle to myself, remind him he shouldn’t have moved, adjust my pillow, move to my side, and proceed to try to go back to sleep.

After hearing Titan pace a little more (he REALLY wanted on the couch) I finally fall back to sleep. Knowing this standoff was happening, I couldn’t go to a deep sleep because I was worried Titan would push his luck and Zipper would try to attack him. I love Zipper dearly. His Jekyll and Hyde personality is something I have come to accept, even though it drives me crazy.

Next thing I know, Titan is climbing over me and stretches himself alongside me. I’m proud of him for figuring out a solution. The issue is, I am NOT a small woman. Titan is 130 pound dog. I honestly don’t know how this is comfortable for him. To add humor to all this, Zipper immediately leaves his post by my feet to crawl up and lay along my arm. Now that his tormenting Titan is over, he wants back up closer to me. The problem is, now his head and Titan’s head are right by each other. Titan moves A LOT. I could see it happening. Titan moves, wakes Zipper up, and Zip attacks him. So much for me going back to sleep. I notice they are actually touching. Zipper lives by his own set of rules. You can’t touch him, but he can touch you.

Luckily, they both seemed to have a mutual understanding and I finally fell back asleep for about 45 minutes. Even now, as I type this up, I am using the mobile app so they are comfortable. There has been numerous shifts on their part but they are happy because they get to be near me.

In the end, that’s what we are here for isn’t it? Their happiness? I am pretty sure they believe it is.

I really need to sleep in my bed tonight!

IMG_1141.JPG
IMG_1138.JPG
IMG_1136.JPG

IMG_1143.JPG

A little post note…as I was finishing typing this up, getting ready to get up and log on to the laptop to clean it up and correct any spelling, I thought it would be funny to share that Bella decided it was her turn to lay with me so she pushed the other two away. Once she was up, it was clear Titan wasn’t happy. He’s trying to hard to find out how he can get some love as well!

Have a great day everyone!

IMG_1144.JPG

by

Not a shopper but love Christmas shopping-HaliPawz

I’m not a shopper by nature. I would rather go in the store, buy what I was after, and leave. I will go out of my way and go to a store in a strip mall to avoid going into the mall. I do not window shop.

If I know what I want, I will order it online to avoid going shopping at all. To avoid shipping charges, I will have it sent to a local store and then pick it up when I am in the area.

All of this goes out the window at Christmas time. I LOVE shopping at Christmas. I love the hustle and bustle. The crowds do not bother me. The weather doesn’t bother me. I love Christmas shopping in the snow. It is exciting to me.

It isn’t just about shopping. I love finding the perfect gift for the person. I try to avoid gift cards unless I just can not come up with something within my budget. I will put a personal touch on my gifts when I can.

My other goal is to get the most for my money. For example, if I know someone wants something in particular, I will put in the time and energy to find it at the best price possible. That way, if it falls under my budgeted money, I can get them something else they want.

I have thought about making this a job at Christmas time or even all year for those that WANT to get a personal gift for someone but just hate doing the legwork. For me, it’s the thrill of the challenge. It’s the thrill of finding that perfect gift for the person. I could easily meet with a person, find out WHO they are shopping for, find out their budget, and then just have a ball finding that gift. If I thought there was a big enough demand for it, I would start it tomorrow. Sadly, people are trying to SAVE money, not spend more money just to avoid gift giving. They will take the easy road and just give a gift card or money.

I wonder who else is out there like me, hates shopping for myself, but will spend hours shopping for gifts for others?

Happy shopping everyone!

by

Cultural Crazy

What is crazy?  Do we view crazy based on our own beliefs, upbringing, morals?  I find it interesting that we see someone do something that we wouldn’t necessarily do and we think….that is CRAZY!  I know I’m guilty of it.  What really brought it to my attention is all the “crazy” stuff I have been seeing on social media and I think to myself, “Why do they do that?  That’s crazy!  No one should do that!”  Then I stop and think about WHY is it crazy?

My first thought when I see people rubbing themselves with oil and lighting themselves on fire.  CRAZY, INSANE  Anything that brings a change to the body for pure fun and amusement of others has to be crazy.  Then I think wouldn’t tattoos be considered crazy then?  Tattoos bring a change to the body.  Some tattoos are on places that the actual owner of the tattoo cannot see it so only others can see it.  Does it amuse others?  Does it disgust others?  Does it matter?  Please understand, I have no problem with tattoos, I’m just saying, how is a tattoo any different than someone lighting themselves on fire and putting it out resulting in some scarring any different?  Is it different if the person doesn’t know it could cause a scar but a person getting a tattoo KNOWS they are getting the tattoo?  I don’t know that answer.  Do you?

Cultural Crazy causes us to look at how others view the crazy actions of others.  For example, someone that grew up in New York City might think someone that straps themselves to a bull for 8 seconds risking bodily harm is crazy.  At that same respect, someone growing up in the country where everyone knows everyone might think holding a friends chest until they pass out is insane and they would never do it.

Do we, as a society, try to align ourselves with like minded “Craziness Level” Assessors?  Do we look to our friends and family for confirmation of what should be viewed as crazy and what should be viewed an normal fun activities?

I used to say, well if it brings potential danger and loss of limbs / life then it is crazy.  But that isn’t true.  Something as simple as climbing up and painting something on a water tower COULD lead to loss of limbs / life if the person should happen to fall, yet country singers write about that activity all the time.

Consider the following and think how you would judge the “crazy” rating:

Is setting yourself on fire any different than riding a bull?

Is driving 150 mph in an oval shape any different than barrel racing?

Is skydiving any different than deep sea diving?

Is surfing any different than running with the bulls?

Is smoking weed any different than drinking alcohol?

Now think about those same activities with the mindset that you knew nothing about them ahead of time.  Would they seem any crazier?

Now let’s take it another step.  Do you believe that there is a difference between country activity crazy and city activity crazy?

Is there a racial difference between what is accepted crazy and what isn’t?

At the end of the day, the next time you say…..”That is CRAZY!”  Stop and think about what it is that makes it crazy and is there anything you do or your friends do that would be equally as crazy to the person you are judging?

 

by

Trash cans need to come with instructions

Now I would like to think of myself as an intelligent person. I did pretty well in school. Test at an above average IQ. I tested above average on all my proficiency tests. I’m not saying all this to brag. I’m Saying this to let others know that even intelligent people can really be off their game sometimes. I would like to think that what happened to me has happened to others, because you know, misery loves company!

I have a dog that loves to get into the trash. Actually the dog I had before him love to as well. Perhaps it is a terrier thing. Anyway, I invested in one of those stainless steel tubular trash cans with the foot pedal. It helped for the most part.

Here’s where my intelligence level will come into question. Do you know the square piece of wire metal at the back of the trashcan? The one that can flip up or lay flat against the trashcan? I have seen it many times. Sometimes I use it to lift the trashcan if I’m trying to move it out of my way but never gave it a lot of thought. I always just assumed it was a strange handle. In all these years, I never realized is serves a real purpose.

I have two of those styles of trash cans, a tall one in my kitchen, a small one in my bathroom. Jake my rat terrier, had learned how to step on the footpedal and raise it up to still get the garbage out of it. He was such a smart dog! Clearly smarter than me. Jake passed away in 2008 and Zipper, my Jack Russell terrier, is not as good at stepping on the footpedal. Unfortunately, he is very good at using his nose to push the lid up on the kitchen one and quickly grabbing garbage off the top before the lid closes again. So many times I would come home to an absolute mess in my kitchen. My solution? Turn the garbage can around in both the kitchen and the bathroom. It solved the problem but is a major inconvenience sometimes.

Then I added a tall Neapolitan Mastiff to my family. She likes to counter surf so over time, the new solution is to block off the kitchen with a baby gate when I am not home. Problem solved, except that the kitchen garbage was turned back around to normal positioning and I would forget to block off the kitchen when I went upstairs. The Mastiff only counter surfs when I am gone, but Zipper would go after the garbage if something smelled good to him at anytime.

All these years, never knowing a solution was already attached to the trash can.

It has a locking mechanism!!! If you flip that little wire handle over to the top of the can, you can not raise the lid! How did I not know this? Where are the instructions?!?!?! The funny thing is, as I have talked to others, I’m learning that I am not the only one that did not know this. As I said….misery loves company so when I have a “duh” moment, I’m appreciative knowing others are just like me! 🙂

Trashcan For Blog

 

It’s really that simple!

by

Christianity, Alcohol, and Self Control

I recently read an article that infuriated me to the point that I had to share my own opinion on it.

Here is the article:
http://www.crossroadschristian.org/blogs/blog/12806077-can-a-christian-drink-alcohol#.VBUMDFODpQz.facebook

Thoughts like this drive me crazy! It is, once again, narrow minded thinking blaming the wrong thing. Is drinking to the point of blacking out crazy and irresponsible??? ABSOLUTELY. Is driving under the influence horrible? Yes. Personally, I think that anyone caught DUI/DWI etc are not punished enough in the United States. I have felt this way since I was 18 and I don’t see myself changing my opinion on that. I will never support or defend someone that gets arrested for DUI. With that being said, the alcohol didn’t cause this behavior, the persons inability to have self control and monitor themselves caused the behavior.

Let’s look at it from the flip side. Let’s take a male or female that is so shy or introverted that they have difficulty talking to others. When they consume an alcoholic drink, it relaxes them a little allowing them to be part of the conversation better. Because of their relaxed attitude, they make a couple new friends the night they are out. Over the course of the new friendship, they invite one of them to church. The friend agrees because they realize not every Christian is a narrow minded, pious jerk. That friend comes to know and accept God. All because a Christian was comfortable enough in their Christianity AND know how to exercise self control to behave themselves while being out in public and consuming a small amount of alcohol. With this scenario, would any Christian say alcohol served a negative purpose? Of course not.

The problem is, Americans LOVE hot messes. They glorify the crazy. They focus on the train wrecks and ignore the sensible. That is why we tend to hear all the extreme situations and the normal situations are too boring so they are never discussed.

I can say that I have never been drunk a day in my life, so I am not saying these words to promote my own behavior. Do I drink? Rarely, but I do have a glass of wine, champagne, or mixes drink from time to time. My actions don’t change. I am well aware of my setting and my behavior. I maintain control of my person.

I have seen the horrible after affects of those that consume too much alcohol. I have, sadly, seen abuse because someone was drunk. I watched a friend lose his fight to live because of a repeat offender driver under the influence. To lose a friend at 18 in such an unnecessary way is a memory that stays with you forever. With these tragic moments, I didn’t blame the alcohol, I blamed the one consuming the alcohol past their ability to control themselves and their actions. THEY are responsible for that, not the alcohol.

We have to STOP accepting the excuses and start challenging those around us to be responsible for their own actions. That also starts with each of us taking responsibility for our own actions, our own decisions, learning from our mistakes, and stop putting the blame in the wrong place.