Internet Safety Tutorial #3; Internet Explorer Pop Up Dangers – HaliPawz

I realize it has been a while since I have done one of my “internet safety” blogs and this one is long overdue.  This blog is not for the computer savvy for more for those who play with their computer, using it mostly to connect to family and friends, look items up, mostly using it for fun.  You may not realize how easy it is to get fooled into clicking something which could put dangerous spyware; (to learn more about spyware, click here) on your computer.  Those attempting to infiltrate your computer to get your information are getting better.  Think about a criminal in general, the more they perfect their craft, the better they are.  Well over time, that is what those trying to put spyware on your computer are doing…each and every day.

This tutorial is more for those using desktop or laptop computers.  First, I can not stress enough how important it is to have some type of anti-spyware, anti-virus software on your computer.  There are a variety of good ones.  I am not an expert on them, so I will turn to the experts.  PCMag wrote an article on the best ones for 2015.  It is definitely worth the read.

Today I am sharing a very common problem you will see on a lot of desktop and laptop computers running on Windows.

Have you ever seen a notice like this pop up on a screen when you have internet explore (the internet) open?

Media Player HD Spam

The first thing to notice is it looks legit.  Before you click anything, take a minute and think; Did I request anything that would open my media player (in case you don’t know, your media player is what plays songs, videos, etc.)

The next thing to do is to look at the URL and see where it is from.  The URL is the area at the top of your screen that you type in the .com you are going to.

Internet Safety Tutorial Feb 2015

As you can see, this one says “ad120” so it is a clear guess it is some type of advertisement or spyware, but they are not always this clear.

Another example of attempted spyware:

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Just because you have an alert does not mean it is from your computer!  It does not mean your computer is outdated.  Again, make sure to look at the URL.

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If you are not sure, CLOSE the screen.  Run a computer check if you feel you need to.  Run a virus check.  Bottom line, don’t take a chance, you don’t need to give a hacker access to your computer.

Staying safe when on the internet isn’t difficult, you just have to take a minute and THINK about what you are seeing on your screen before clicking “ok”. Use this thought before clicking on anything on the internet, not just on internet explorer but on social media links and emails.

Love for Love and no one else-HaliPawz

Love is a powerful emotion and it’s important to remember to love for love, not for any other reason.

I remember when I was in 7th or 8th grade, I liked a guy.  I think his name was Ted if I remember correctly.  He was sweet.  He was a little dorky like me.  We could talk easily.  Ted finally asked me to go “steady”.  Going steady back then might not seem like a big deal by today’s standards, it was pretty tame.  You might hold hands.  You might eat lunch together.  You might kiss but the intermediate schoolgirl in me probably wouldn’t have gotten much further.  I was so excited.  I was going steady with the boy I liked.  Life was good.

For about an hour.

Like most girls, I went and told my friends.  I knew they would be excited with me.  They should have been.  Interestingly enough, they weren’t mean to me, but they WERE mean ABOUT Ted.  Girls can be rough.  They couldn’t understand why I would want to go out with him.  He’s soooooo weird (spoken in true grade school voice).  Sadly, they convinced me I shouldn’t WANT to go steady with him.  My going steady lasted the whole some of three hours and I lost  hurt a friend.  Something I regret until this day.  I don’t even know what happened to him, I hope he’s happy.  I hope he’s successful.  He’s probably some rich, intelligent millionaire!

Things happened throughout my school years that kept me from WANTING to date.  It would seem like anytime I met someone who made me happy, someone else would step in and say something and mess it up.  I would watch my friends go in and out of relationships, I would see them lose a male friend because their new “boyfriend” didn’t want them hanging out with another guy.  I decided dating wasn’t worth the headache.  I was happier being “one of the guys” than I was dating a guy.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I was turning down a lot of offers.  I was pretty shy.  I hid it well, so well most people don’t realize I can be shy even today.  The ironic thing is, all these years later and I’m still more comfortable hanging out with men than most women.

Fast forward to 10th grade.  A friend of mine had a cute cousin.  He asked me out.  I WANTED to say yes, but again, someone else’s opinion affected my decision.  This time it was a respect thing.  This young man happened to be black.  My dad wasn’t racist.  He was older and felt people should date within their race.  It wasn’t a black and white thing, it was ANY race.  He felt it was better for the children.  Perhaps back then there was some truth to it.  It was easy for me to say, “I’m flattered but out of respect for my parents, as long as I live under their roof, I won’t go against them.”  Looking back, I don’t regret it, because I still feel like family is the most important people in our lives and sometimes you have to do something you might not want to out of respect.

I went on to date and marry the man who was to become my husband, then ex husband.  I don’t want to dwell on him because we should have never married in the first place.  He showed me love by showering me with gifts and attention.  He was a show boat.  He wanted everyone to look at him and say how lucky I was to be with him.  Honestly, I didn’t even like who I was when I was with him.  We divorced and I was single again.

I was hurting after my divorce.  I refused to show my family how hurt I was, I felt like I was a failure.  I had picked the wrong guy…..again.  This time with no outside influences, just the opposite really.  Everyone loved him.  Loved him for me.

I dated, a LOT, following my divorce.  I don’t even know if dating is the right word, because sometimes I couldn’t even remember the name of the guy I was at dinner with.  He didn’t matter to me.  I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want to be single, but I didn’t trust myself to get invested emotionally with anyone.

Interestingly, every guy I dated after my divorce was black.  It wasn’t a defiant thing, it was an attraction thing. (To set the record straight, by this time, my dad had changed his opinion somewhat about interracial dating)  One day my ex (he was my boyfriend at the time) said to me, “You know, if we every break up, you’ll never date another white man, you just aren’t attracted to us”  and he was right.  I wasn’t attracted to HIM.  I loved him but not the way a woman should love a man, he started out as a friend and figured out how to make me love him so he could have the ideal world.  But remember, he was PERFECT for me, according to everyone else.

I was fortunate to date some great men over the years.  I never let them close to me emotionally because I didn’t want to get hurt, but I can still say they were great men.

What I find strange about our society is the way we judge one another’s relationships and compare the couple in terms of society attraction.  I have always been overweight. I don’t hide it.  I don’t make excuses for it.  I work out, I lose weight, I gain weight.  I won’t say I yo-yo because it can be over years for the up and down to take place.  Interestingly enough, I was attracted to athletes, especially those with the linebacker build.  If I dated someone society viewed as “hot” people would wonder why he was with me.  For some reason, our society accepts “hot” women dating overweight guys with no problem, but they do not want to accept a “hot” guy dating an overweight woman. Another example of things wrong with our society.

I didn’t let this bother me.  If I was with the “hot” guy, I was just happy because I had the hot guy. Oddly enough, sometimes the hot guy was with me for my personality but I couldn’t stand his!  I would be bored.  My mind wasn’t stimulated so my heart couldn’t be. I fell in and out of relationships so fast back then, my family started calling them the flavor of the week.  I didn’t like the reputation or the connotation, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for.

Every now and then, a guy would get me to calm down.  I would actually put in an effort to have a relationship.  The only problem was, again, they would be approved by my family or friends, or both, but they wouldn’t be approved by me.  Not always through any fault of my own.  Sometimes they were just bad boyfriends.

I moved out of Michigan and when the person I thought was going to move with me couldn’t at the last-minute, I decided to restructure my life.  I didn’t want to go back to the “flavor of the week” mentality but I also didn’t want to settle for someone who treated me poorly.  How do you find the balance?

I didn’t.  I was lonely here.  No family, no friends, travelling for work all the time.  I’m shy.  I’m an introvert but keep it hidden.  I fell for the handsome guy that could spin words so well I believed we were going to be together forever.  I had a good job, was alone down here, and I let him take advantage of my loneliness.  Not once in four years with him did he EVER pay for a meal.  We would go on vacation, he wouldn’t pay for a thing.  He would constantly tell me how much I would have to change in order for him to move from love to something permanent.  I convinced myself I believed in what he was doing and the best way to help him was to support him however I needed to.  He was cute, I liked being with him but more than that, I didn’t know anyone else here in Kansas City, so I put up with way more than I should have.  The best thing to ever happen to me was cutting ties with him.

I stopped travelling for work.  I started making friends.  REAL friends.  The funny thing about having friends is, they have opinions and their opinions mattered more than I wanted to admit sometimes.  If I found a guy cute and they didn’t, I would wonder if I REALLY thought he was cute.   If I went out with a guy who was average by society standards, but made me laugh, made me happy, I felt I had to justify why I went out with him.  If one of my female friends even wrinkled their nose a little, or said, “eh, he’s ok” I would defend WHY I liked him.

As a woman, I was just as guilty.  If my friends would start dating someone and I didn’t find him attractive, I would do the same thing.  I would make a face, and then I would hear a reason why she was dating him.  I think it would be great if we could all just be happy for our friends and enjoy the journey.

As I have gotten older, I have learned the “perfect man” isn’t any one particular age, particular height, particular race.  The perfect man for me doesn’t have to be approved by any of my friends because they aren’t feeling what I’m feeling.  I have also learned he doesn’t have to match my past preferences.  He does have to match my present preferences, but those preferences are so different from before.  I’ve also learned to be strong for myself.  I don’t date just to date.  I tell the man goodbye when I see he isn’t the one for me.

Over the last few years, I have also learned attraction isn’t about perfection.  Attraction, true attraction, comes from the heart.  It doesn’t have to come with your friends approval of attraction because.  I find a smile sexy.  I find eyes that look at me like I am the most important person to them a turn on.  I find the fact I WANT to be around them longer than an hour or two heart melting.

I have also learned to value myself.  I learned not to wait with the hope something will get better.  If it starts out poorly, it isn’t going to get better.  Some men have the ability to spin words until you start feeling like you are the crazy one.  Don’t fall for it.  You know it will be the same words tomorrow from him.  If he gives you a list of things to change about yourself, start with the most important one, changing the status of your relationship.

Love is happiness.  Love yourself first.  If love doesn’t happen for you today or tomorrow, it’s ok.  Embrace who you are today.  If you are in a relationship and you feel devalued, re-evaluate the relationship.  Life is too short.

Most of all, don’t let anyone mess up your “steady” moments with a nose wrinkle or an unkind word.  Follow your heart, YOUR heart, and when you meet the one who steals your heart, you will find him the most handsome man you have ever met, and you won’t even WANT to justify why because it’ll be obvious; obvious to you, to him, and to the world.

Love love.

Protect the SHARE button; keep the hate bandwagon in the station-HaliPawz

I should be asleep right now. I fell asleep downstairs watching tv, woke up around 2:30am, headed up to bed with the thought I would listen to the latest Randomocity podcast and then go to bed. These guys crack me up and I am so excited about getting the opportunity to work with them. That’s a story for later!

I couldn’t sleep. My brain is racing. So many things happening right now. I go where everyone who can’t sleep goes; social media. Amongst the latest YouTube mash-ups, the puppy memes, and friend updates, I come across the following picture

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with the poster encouraging others to stop supporting the brand.

My first thought was something doesn’t seem right about it. The wording in the article was off. Michael Kors is a business man. I am in no way saying a business man cannot be racist, but the actual wording did not seem legit. I am not naive to the fact racism exists. I’m not a Michael Kors fan per se but if he was truly, openly, racist, I would be an advocate of sharing the information with everyone I know so they had the knowledge to do with it what they chose. On the flip side, I hate a business being boycotted or deemed racist due to the rapid “social media hate spread” that exists in our world today.

My investigative mind wasn’t going to stop until I dug into this. So much for my light, happy, puppy pic sharing mood…I needed to know. Within 30 seconds, I had my confirmation. It was fake. In my defense, if it had been a link on the post I saw, I would have known quicker, but since it was just a picture, I had to dig further. The article was written on a site where they have the disclaimer “all of the articles published on the site are “complete fiction.” Question answered. I felt obliged to go and post in the comments, knowing it doesn’t always change opinions. Once it’s out there and spread throughout social media, it will be believed by many as fact. The damage is done. Will it affect Michael Kors business? Maybe, maybe not. I won’t speculate.

This leads me to a few other concerns. The first is WHY these sites can continue to post very untrue statements about people, make them appear legit, and because of a hidden disclaimer, they can not be held responsible for any damage to a reputation or business?

Why do people continue to SHARE & COMMENT on things without either viewing the source (I try to make a mental note of the fictional sites so when I see a link back to them, I know it isn’t true) or taking the minute to just look into it further if the information you’re seeing / reading sounds a little far-fetched. Why have we reached the point in our society where we are so quick to accept a person is bad, a person is secretly racist, the person(s) involved did a bad thing. We assume the worst a lot quicker than assuming the best anymore. I admit I am guilty of it sometimes. Is there so much wrong today it is easy to accept it? That saddens me a little.

My last thought….and this is probably the one troubling me even more; is SOMEONE wrote the words Michael Kors assumably said. The article stated:

“Just for the sake of a sale I have to deal with women like Nicki Minaj? I’d rather not. After all my fans made me money, It’s only fair I be honest and let them know how I really feel,” said [the] CEO of Michael Kors on his twitter account.

The fashion industry is shocked from Michael Kor’s Ceo offensive statement when he said “I’m tired of pretending to like blacks.”

Early Tuesday morning Michael Kors took to his twitter page to express his true feelings about blacks. Considering every black person either has or knows someone with a MK watch, MK Purse or MK key chain this might affect Michael Kors sales.

“I can’t stomach the thought of my Michael Kors purses being stuffed with synthetic hair, weave or what ever else my fans are into.” Said Michael Kors.

Is it just me or is there a lot of HATE in those words? It made me wonder just how full of racism is the person who wrote it? Someone used the power of a fictional accusation to write how they felt. The last part about synthetic hair, weaves, etc really hit me. It just seemed to ooze with hatred.

Someone who hides their racism behind fictional writing to the extent this writer did is someone I would be more concerned about than the person who shows their ignorance or racism openly.

I have said it so many times and I will continue to say it. If our country would just learn to RESPECT other people, we wouldn’t have so many issues. You don’t have to like everyone if you don’t want to, but be respectful of one another. Have a respect for self. Have a respect for life. So many problems would be solved with respect.

Be mindful of what you share on social media. Take a minute to verify. Look to see where the source is. Here is a good article with the list of fake news websites.

Remember, just because it looks legit, doesn’t always MEAN it is legit. Use caution. Use thought. Most of all, protect the share button like you would want someone to do for you.

You can’t Rape the Willing, or can you? Does Society Tell Men it is OK to Rape when she says no?-HaliPawz

***WARNING, EXPLICIT LANGUAGE***

Sometimes it is not easy to sit down and write about touchy subjects.  This one has been rolling around in my head for a few days and I feel it is important to get the message out.

Society has double standards, everyone knows it, they have chosen to accept it or ignore it.  Sometimes those double standards are also opposite messages.  Society teaches women one thing and men another.  The problem is, who gets hurt when those messages tend to clash so drastically?

I want to share a scenario that has happened all too often in our society.

Jean and Sam go out on a first date.  They both had an ok time at dinner, Jean still isn’t too sure how she feels about him.  As Sam brings her home, he convinces her to let him come in so they can talk a little more and “get to know each other better.”  Jean has been single for a while and in the dating world, she knows what that means to some men.  Sam isn’t taking no for an answer, he convinces her he’ll only be there a few minutes.  He’s a good guy, she needs to give him a chance.

Jean agrees.  As they are sitting on the couch talking, Jean realizes he isn’t a bad guy, she just knows he isn’t the one for her.  As she starts to hint it is time to go, Sam leans over and starts kissing her.  He kisses GREAT.  Jean knows she shouldn’t, but she returns his kisses.  It has been a while since she has been kissed like that.  Maybe there is hope after all.

Sam’s hands start traveling up her shirt.  She pushes them away.  She likes his kisses, but that’s it.  She isn’t going any further with him.  She tells him no.  He starts kissing her neck, her ear.  She likes it, she’s human.  She loves the feel of his lips.  His hands start to undo her pants.  She tells him no again and suggests it is time for him to leave.  As she stands up, he follows her.  He starts kissing her again, this time a little more forcefully.  He takes her hand and places it against his pants…”Come on baby, don’t do this to me” he whispers to her.  She pushes her hand away and says it’s time for him to go.

He doesn’t go.  He starts getting a little rougher, kisses her deeper, by this time he has his penis out of his pants without her even realizing it and wraps her fingers around it with his hand.  He tells her she “can’t get him hard and then just leave him like that” but his tone isn’t as nice as it was when they started.  She says no and pulls her hand away.  He grabs her hand and starts walking down the hallway.  “I know you are a good girl, you have to say no.  Let me help you be bad” His grip on her hand is firm.  “Where is your room?” he asks.  She numbly answers.

Sam doesn’t even realize his kisses are not longer being returned.  Jean is no longer a participant and he doesn’t even care.

They have sex.  Sam gets up, gets dressed, and leaves, making sure to drop a quick kiss on Jean’s lips as he walks out the door, “Thanks babe, talk later” and he’s gone.

Jean knows she won’t hear from him again.  She locks the door, crawls back into bed, trying to figure out what happened.  As she closes her eyes, a single tear slides down her cheek.

No, this isn’t an except from a book.  It is a situation a lot of single women between the ages of 25-45 face, sometimes more than once.  They didn’t want sex but they learn sometimes it is easier to just let it happen than it is to fight him off.  They think to themselves, he’s not the first guy I’ve slept with, he won’t be the last.  Just let him get it over with so he’ll leave.  This is not a “woe is women” or a “let’s bash men” blog, it is about opening our eyes to some of the problems we face in our society.

She will clearly blame herself for letting it happen because, often, we are taught it is the woman’s fault if something goes wrong in the relationship so in this case, she will think she did something to make him think it was ok to sleep with her.

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First, let’s put it out there, Men like sex, women like sex.  The whole myth about men liking it more is ridiculous.

Society teaches women…..”Good Girls Say No” “Bad Girls say yes”

Society teaches men……”Good girls say no because they have to, but they really want it”

Do you see a problem with the teaching????  It leads to MAJOR PROBLEMS.

Growing up in the Law & Order, Law & Order SVU era, we learned rape happens, we learn it can happen by people we know.  What we don’t learn is, Rape isn’t always obvious.  In every episode, the woman (or man) KNOWS they were raped or they were drugged and don’t know a thing.

In this scenario, was Jean raped?  She said no.  She NEVER said yes.  Did she lead him to her room?  Yes, but it wasn’t because she wanted sex with him.  It is because she had been down this road before and knew he wasn’t going to leave until he had sex with her.  At some point, it’s easier to go numbly along than to put up so much of a fight that it feels too much like rape to forget.  But you still don’t forget.  It stays in your memory.

As I talked to women I know about this subject, they sadly recalled a time (or two) it happened to them.  They remember the details like it was yesterday.  They didn’t want sex with the man.  It wasn’t about being a “good girl” it was about the fact HE wasn’t someone they wanted sex with.

Over time, as women who date, as women who do enjoy sex WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, we learn to accept the fact sometimes men are going to get sex if they want it.  They begin to believe they agreed to it.  They chalk it up to a bad decision.  The convince themselves THEY wanted it.  Why?  Because they feel like they contributed to it.  Maybe they shouldn’t have kissed him back.  Why did they show them where the bedroom is? Why did they let him come inside in the first place? Women are taught to accept the blame, because we “know how men can be.”

For some women, they choose they men poorly and it continues to happen.  Perhaps it is a self-esteem issue, perhaps they were raised in the belief you give the man what he wants if you want to keep him, who knows.  I can see how it could easily lead to a different path, like prostitution.  She begins to feel like, hey, if men are going to keep having sex with me when I don’t want it, I might as well get paid for it.  I’m not saying it happens all the time, I am saying it can be understood HOW one might leap from one to the other.

How do we change this?  Honestly, I don’t know if we really can, but it starts with society changing their views…..

For women:  GOOD GIRLS can enjoy sex without feeling guilty about it.  Having consensual sex does not change who you are as a person.

A woman is not a slut if she has sex on the first date.  If they both want to have sex, GREAT.  Now, that doesn’t mean it is advised if you are looking for something long-term and meaningful, but that is for another blog.

Just because you invite him in doesn’t give him the right to expect sex.

Just because you make out with him doesn’t give him the right to expect sex.

Make sure your NO means no, and when you want to say yes, just say yes….don’t feel bad about it

For Men:  Women enjoy sex as much as you, doesn’t mean every woman wants to sleep with you.

No means no, it does NOT mean she is only saying no to put on an appearance of being a good girl.

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Buying her dinner does not give you the right to expect sex

Being invited in to her home does not automatically mean she wants sex, maybe she does sometimes, maybe she doesn’t.

Just because she kisses you doesn’t give you the right to expect it will lead to sex.

I don’t want anyone to think I am making light of rape.  Rape is a heinous crime and happens more often than we even know.

The only way we can stop some of this from happening is to start talking about it. Having open discussions between men and women.  Getting past the negative views society puts on women for enjoying sex so they can talk more openly about the time sex happened they DID NOT want.

It starts with non-judgment and honesty.

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Emergency Vet Care – Be Careful of costs when emotions are high

Christmas Day, 2014, I received a call no pet owner wants to get. My Jack Russell, Zipper, had to be taken to the emergency vet.

I had made the decision to leave them at home this year. It is never easy determining the best course of action for your fur babies, but I felt I had left them in capable hands. They always seem to do best staying in their own home when I have to be away from them. With the addition of a third dog, a Great Dane I had agreed to watch for a couple months while his owner was in transition from one home to another, boarding them would get extremely costly AND with the Great Dane and my Neapolitan Mastiff, it was difficult finding a location with enough room. I had found a very capable dog walker. She seemed to genuinely love being around my three, was very accommodating to the many issues surrounding the three, and was affordable.

I know my dogs are not easy. Zipper has dog aggression and food aggression. Bella, the Mastiff, is very loving but can, at times, get annoyed with her little brother when he is in his mood. I needed someone who was very detailed & methodical to keep them all on point. The person I hired fit that bill. I was impressed with how she handled Zipper during our first interview and with all our interactions following ; picking up and dropping off the key. I had used her at Thanksgiving as well with no issues.

A couple days before Christmas I was told Bella got upset with Zipper over a longer than normal lasting treat. She had rolled him over when he gave her attitude and lightly nipped his leg. She cleaned Zipper up, checked the wound, and everything was all right in the world again. Because of the negative interaction, my dog walker was being extra careful. She made sure all treats and food were consumed before releasing them to play and interact with each other again.

Fast forward to Christmas morning. I received my typical text, alerting me she had arrived to feed and care for them. The plan was minimal time with them so she could go and enjoy the day with her family.

Sadly, the day did not go as planned. Through no fault of my dog walker, a scuffle broke out between my two. A third party had arrived on the premises and a door had been left open. Before she was aware the door was open, she heard a squeal from my JRT. She rushed in see the fight happening. There was dog food in the room and we can only speculate as to what transpired between the two dogs. A 100lb dog mad at an 18lb dog. Not a good combination.

The bites were pretty severe. He needed to be checked out. She had bitten around his leg so there were about 4 bite marks. As you can see (taken 5 days AFTER the attack) the wounds were pretty big. He had to go for treatment.

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He was taken to VCA Mission Animal Referral and Emergency Center in Mission, Kansas. Typical to most emergency veterinary locations, they required a deposit to start seeing him. This is my baby. I’m up in Michigan. It’s Christmas Day. Of course I gave them a credit card and told them to take care of him. When I spoke to the vet, she informed me I would be looking at roughly $700. I told her to go ahead. About an hour later I received a call stating she had looking at him, they were getting ready to sedate him to get him cleaned up. They also needed to X-Ray his leg to make sure there was no other damage. I was told everything had been put in the computer and it would be about $800. Again, I agreed. This is my baby. He was going to be taken care of.

Later in the day I was told he was resting peacefully and would be able to go home in the morning but he would need constant care because they couldn’t stitch him up yet. They wanted to allow the wounds to breath a few days. I was also told leaving him there a couple days would be another option. The vet told me she would call me in the morning to discuss my options.

I was relieved. I knew he was ok, he was getting strong anti-biopics and pain medication. Bella, my Mastiff, was getting care at home, and the Great Dane was with his owner. My emotions had been running high all day trying to decide if I should stay or head home. It is never an easy decision.

I received the call the next day. Zipper was eating fine but he was heavily medicated. I was told they could keep him there for $80 a day or I could come pick him up and bring him back every day for a dressing change. It would just be an office visit of $25 every day. $25 vs $80 when I am 13 hours away. I made the decision to keep him there a couple more days so he could have the utmost care and be watched. With the wounds still open, we had to be careful of infection. It was worth the extra $50+ for him to be cared for better than I could care for him.

Even though I was concerned about him, I made the decision to keep my trip as planned, let him stay in the animal hospital, and let Bella be cared for as we had scheduled.  I felt good about this decision, as good as I could while still being concerned about Zipper.  On Saturday, I received a picture of Bella and could see she was sad.  I even responded as such.  The reply I received was enough to tell me I had to head home.  Bella was starting to break down.  She went from a home with me and two other dogs, to me being gone and the other two dogs taken away from the home quickly with emotions running through the humans.  She was starting to not eat.  She was distressed.  I had to go.  I finished up a few errands I needed to do in Michigan, loaded up the car, and headed out.

I ended up stopping in a rest area to sleep for a few hours, driving overnight is never easy.  I let my dog walker know to go ahead and feed Bella Sunday morning so her schedule wasn’t off.  I didn’t need anything else to stress her out.  I had planned to get home, unload the rental car, take a quick shower, then go and get Zipper.  Plans changed quickly.  I was not ready for Bella’s attitude.  She cried and whined.  From the minute I walked in the door she started searching the house and just kept crying.  I could tell she was happy to see me but it wasn’t enough.  Every time I went out to get something from the car, I could hear her non stop.  The problem was, I didn’t know what to expect from Zipper either.  I knew he would need 24 hour care and could not be left alone, but could he be left alone long enough to go out and finish unloading the rental?  Would him and Bella be ok?  She bit him HARD the last time he saw her.  Would he forgive her?  All of these thoughts were going through my head.  I didn’t know what I was getting into.

I made the decision to just unload the perishable items and my suitcases.  I chose to skip the shower.  I was going to get Zipper.  It BROKE MY HEART leaving Bella again.  To shut the door on her and hearing her cries as I walked to my vehicle.  It was almost more than I could take.  I could not take her.  I didn’t know what the attitudes would be and could not risk it with Zipper being so injured.

I arrived at the vets office and was presented with the bill BEFORE I could see Zipper.  I understand the reason behind it, they need to get paid, but I just wanted to see Zipper.  I didn’t even really look at the bill, handed over my credit card, and signed the receipt.  Once it was paid, they called back and said he was to be released.  While I waited for him, I looked over the bill and was shocked at what I saw.  Not only had the $800 quote moved to $1200 but the “$80 a day” had switched to $141 a day!!!!  Are you kidding me?!?! A 76% increase OVER what I was quoted!!!  What choice did I have?  The work had been done.  I wanted my dog.

No, I couldn’t let it go.  It’s not RIGHT to take advantage of people when they are emotional.  I saw Zipper.  My heart BROKE.  He was so heavily medicated and bandaged up.  He looked horrible.

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As you can see from these pics, it would be easy to just focus on him and not think about the costs as the time.

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I started to walk away and stopped. I had to say something. I asked the associate at the front desk about it. I explained my concern. He said he would talk to the business manager and have her get back to me.  I was coming in the next day so I was ok with waiting, plus it was Sunday so I figured I wouldn’t get an answer.

I arrived home and was careful to not allow any apprehension creep into my thoughts.  I wanted a positive greeting.  I walked in, dropped the leash so I could go and block the dog door.  Zipper was supposed to only go out on a leash long enough to go potty, and then back in.  We had to minimize his risk of infection.  Before I could slide the lock down, Zipper was OUT THE DOOR cone and all! The little brat!  I popped the door out and went out on the deck to get him.  He was going to the bathroom, so I waited.  Bella was ecstatic!  She was hopping all over the deck.  Leaping into the air.  Spinning.  She was so happy to have her brother back!  Zipper finished going to the bathroom and ran up onto the deck and was sniffing her like crazy.  He was pretty groggy so I took him in, showed him his new dog bed, and he proceeded to get in it and lay down.  Bella seemed to understand she had to be easy around him.  My fur family was going to be ok.

I went in for my follow up and Zipper was taken back right away.  The vet came out to discuss my options.  I could either stich him up (which would be a ridiculous cost; he said it would be about $800 – $1100)  or I could remove the bandages, keep him on an anti-biotic and pain medication, and let nature heal him correctly.  He would have a small scar but his hair should cover it up.  He was upfront and said he wasn’t recommending the surgery.  He didn’t feel it was necessary.  Zipper came out of sedation rough the first time and he didn’t feel it was in his best interest to sedate him again.  He warned me there would be some discharge from the open wounds though, so if that was going to bother me, I should consider the surgery.  I know there are people out there that would opt for the quicker, less messy, fix.  For me, it wasn’t about the cost, it was about what was in Zipper’s best interest.  I didn’t want him sedated again.  I would take on the responsibility of putting warm compresses on the wounds three times a day, I would deal with the oozing, healing, wounds.  I knew it would take an extra week for him to heal; stiches would be about 10 -12 days, letting it heal naturally would be about 21 days.  I was prepared for that.

They brought Zipper out to me and I went to check out.  I asked again about the bill and the associate checking me out was looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language!  Ugh!  Here we go again.  I re-explained my concern about the bill. She assured me she would discuss it with the business manager, she handed me a business card, said she wouldn’t charge me the office visit , and she would have the business manager give me a call.  I made my appointment for the following Monday and left.

I arrived for my follow up and was handed some receipts.  I glanced at them quickly, saw a “-” sign by a dollar amount and assumed they had just corrected my bill without calling me.  Not a great business practice but I didn’t care as long as my bill was adjusted.  Zipper entertained the waiting area with his Terrier cuteness, cone and all, so I watched him.  While he was back for his follow up, I glanced at the papers given to me.  There were the EXACT SAME RECEIPTS I already had!  Are you kidding me?  Zipper was brought back out to me and I went to the front desk to check out.  It was the same associate I had talked to talked to the previous Monday.  I asked her about it again and she looked at me like it was the first time she was hearing it.  I showed her the card she gave me the previous week.  I was told to have a seat.

I was met by the director of client services.  She took me back into a room and I explained my concern yet again.  I explained my frustration with the lack of communication.  As we talked, she explained all phone calls are recorded so she would be able review the conversations between me and the veterinarian I talked to.  I said “Great!”  I was genuinely happy to have them reviewed.   She seemed a little surprised I was encouraging the review.  I knew I was right about what I heard so I wanted the review.  She apologized for the lack of communication and assured me I would hear back from her. I was happy with the communication and was glad I had said something.

The week days passed.  By Thursday, I still had not heard from her, so I called the office.  I was told they were having problems with their phone systems, they had a technician coming out, and was asked to be patient.  I felt like I was just getting the run around, but I said ok and continued to wait.

Zipper and Bella were doing well.  Zipper was healing nicely.  They were starting to interact again, rather than just tolerate each other.  Bella wanted to play and would paw his cone to get his attention.  I could tell he was still a little nervous around her, but was just encouraging positive interaction and letting them take it at their own speed.  I was so happy the day I looked over and Zipper was giving Bella kisses!

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About a week later, I finally received the call I was waiting for. I was told they were finally able to review the conversations and I would be getting a refund. She wasn’t sure how much because the business manager was out with the flu and she would need to discuss it with her. I was understanding and said I would wait, figuring it wouldn’t be until the next week since it was already Friday. I called Monday to follow up and was told the associate I was dealing with wasn’t in. I understood. I called again on Wednesday. They took my name before telling me if she was in or not. They came back on the phone telling me she wasn’t in but I could leave a voicemail. They were expecting her in later in the day.

Well, a month after I started talking to them about the cost, I FINALLY received a call back and I am happy to report they are refunding me some of my payment. My perseverance paid off. I am EXTREMELY happy with the outcome and believe they are being fair.

do not believe they practiced good business behavior on the front side. I wonder how many other pet parents paid the bill without saying a word? I do appreciate their correcting the situation.

Bottom line, even in emotional situations, you have the right AND the duty to be informed and follow up. In any medical situation, human or animal, go through your itemized bill. If there is a problem or concern, voice it. The outcome may not always be in your favor but YOU are your own best advocate!

When a gun kills, the blame game starts but it stops too early

I was reading / watching an article on NBC today about a young child who killed his younger brother with a gun in his grandfather’s home.

NBC News; Child kills 9 month old brother

This is a HORRIBLE story, one no parent should ever have to experience.  My heart goes out to them.  This blog isn’t about this family in particular but about all of the blame going to the gun.  Let’s get one thing straight, a gun, by itself, cannot kill someone.  You need a bullet in the chamber.  You need a way for the trigger to be pulled, usually a human but I have heard stories where an animal was too close and played with the trigger.

This story shared a lot of problems that exist in today’s world and I want to break them down a little more.

*The gun was loaded.  WHY was the gun loaded?  Even when used for protection, if the gun is not within your control, it should NOT be loaded.  You can have a bullets in the magazine and have the magazine located within a close proximity so you can grab them quickly if needed, but they should never be put together when you are not handling it, especially when there are children around.

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*The parents said they did not know a gun was in the house but also said they grew up with guns.  If you grew up with one or both parents owning guns, why would there be an assumption guns weren’t still in the home.  Unless your parent has changed DRASTICALLY, it is probably understood there are guns in the home.  I think the blame is on all adults for not asking / communicating correctly about weapons.

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*You could open the safe easily.  Umm, then it isn’t a safe!  Don’t get me wrong, I grew up with rifles available in the home and they were not in a safe.  We knew not to touch them.  If we DID touch them, it was with permission and we were well aware it had the capabilities of taking a life, be it animal or human.  We were raised to not point the barrel at anything we were not prepared to shoot and kill.  My issue is having the false sense of security keeping a gun in a safe that is a safe in appearance only.  If you are going to use a gun safe, it better be a SAFE!

*The boys were told to not go in the room, but boys will be boys.  REALLY?!?!?  Are you kidding me?  Shame on any adult with that mentality.  How about raising your children to RESPECT boundaries and rules.  How about teaching young children about the firearm in the room.  If you aren’t willing to teach the child about the firearm and about the danger of the firearm, then PUT IT SOMEPLACE HIGH, HIDDEN, AND SAFE!!!  Better yet, if you aren’t willing to teach the child about the firearm, take it out of the house while they are in your home.  If we take the mentality, boys will be boys, then we are saying we have an expectation of boys doing just about anything.  I am willing to bet a boy can understand the concept of touching a stove means you will get burned, so they could understand the concept of a gun having the ability to harm or kill someone or something.  I don’t believe boys are the only ones capable of having an accident like this, I was focused on the “boys will be boys” comment.  It is just as easy for it to happen to a little girl as it is a boy if she is not taught about safely handling a gun.  I am a woman, I enjoy shooting.  I was a girl and I handled bb guns / rifles.

*Maybe he learned to shoot a gun from television.  You know, we have a crazy idea of wanting our television shows to be as realistic as possible.  We want the gun fight to look like a real gunfight.  We want death to look like a person really dead.  How can we expect a young child to truly understand a gun kills if they are allowed to watch these realistic shows and they see the person later on another show.  What discussions are taking place to explain television isn’t the same as real life.  It is pretend, even when it looks so real.

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I don’t necessarily agree with the “rapper” comment, but the concept speaks volumes.  We have to educate instead of television being the educator.

Having discussions with children, teaching them to be respectful of adults and rules, explaining the power and danger of any type of weapon, it doesn’t have to just be a gun; it can be a knife, an ax, any weapon, are all ways to stop these situations from happening.  We started with BB Guns, we had the SAME rules for the BB Gun as we had for the other rifles.  We were never allowed to shoot at birds, animals of any kind.  The rule in our home was, “If you aim at it, be prepared to kill it, if you kill it, be prepared to eat it”  The idea was teaching us you didn’t kill just for a sport, you could shoot for sport; we shot at soup cans, blown up balloons, anything that did not have life attached to it.  We were also taught to respect hunting seasons, if you wanted to hunt, you hunted for the meat, not for the sport of hunting.  Handguns aren’t used for hunting usually, but if you instilled the same set of rules with the handguns, the number of accidental shootings would decrease drastically.

Guns, when handled responsibly and RESPECTED BY ALL, can be safe around children and adults.

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Gay? Shrimp? Why some view one is worse than the other. Christians Judging Christians

Religion, Gay, Christianity
Gay, Lesbian, Church, Religion

Pastor and his husband at a Church in Cincinnati

This picture had been floating around the internet with commentary as an example of how horrible of a direction the Christian Church was going.  I read the comments. I saw some of the hate spewing from “Christian” men and women.  It made me wonder how much attention they paid to the sermons being preached, to the words they were reading in the Bible, or how little respect they had for others in general.

Let me start out by stating some facts about myself.

I consider myself a Christian.  I don’t identify with any one particular denomination.  I respect other religions.  I have an understanding of the facts; different religions may word things differently, but in the end, they may have similar beliefs. I never understood how a Christian could have a problem with Native American’s faith, saying it isn’t right because they pray to different Gods.  News Flash silly Christian, to someone new to Christianity, they believe we pray to different Gods (Father, Son, Holy Ghost, Jesus, Yahweh, etc.)  Can you see how that could be confusing to someone not familiar with Christianity in general?

I am ok with different sexual orientations.  I don’t care if someone is homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual.  Your sexual orientation does not define you, just as mine does not define me.  If your sexual orientation is the only thing you have in your life to define you as a person, you have a problem and may need some professional help, but it can’t be solved by others hating you.

I’m pretty open minded and try to be respectful of everyone.  I try to look at things from different perspectives.  I’m not perfect.  I know I’m not.  I don’t think anyone is perfect.

With that out of the way, I have a major problem with anyone who identifies themselves as a Christian then proceed to openly (or secretly) bash those who are openly gay or lesbians.  Some can get so downright nasty, you would think they were talking about a felonious person!  I have heard some “Christians” put gay men in the same category as pedophiles.  Are you kidding me?  How dare you?

Let’s start with the basics taught in all Sunday School Classes.  Judge Not Lest ye be Judged Let’s look further at this.

1“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2“For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.   Matthew 7:1-5 NASB

No where in the Bible does it say, Hey , it’s OK to judge on the things YOU think are wrong, this only applies to some situations.

I want to break this down even further.  Let’s take the perspective being gay is a sin.  (I do NOT believe it is a sin, I am saying it for the sake of this post)  If it IS a sin, it still does not make sense for Christians to take such a harsh stand or to make such negative comments towards those who identify themselves as gay or lesbians.  Let’s see what the Bible has to say about this attitude.

 8If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF,” you are doing well. 9But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. 11For He who said, “DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,” also said, “DO NOT COMMIT MURDER.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but do commit murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. 12So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. 13For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:8-13 NASB

OK, let’s break this down a little more.  “if you show partiality” This means you don’t get to like one person more than another just because they fit your ideal mold of a person better.  “…yet stumbles in one point” NO ONE can say they haven’t stumbled and sinned at one point or another.

Sin is sin. Speeding is breaking the law, therefore, you have sinned. It’s as simple as that. You took an ink pen from the office, so you STOLE from them, therefore, you have sinned. Do you see my point? It is that simple. We sin. Now, back to my point; if YOU believe being gay is a sin, then it’s a sin. SO WHAT! Get over yourself. You sin, they sin, everyone is guilty of a sin. Let’s try a little respect and love for those you believe are sinning instead of hate and gossip. It might get you further.

Last, only because it drives home my point and I want to have a little fun with this post as well, for the Christians who still want to keep going about how horrible being gay is, you need to consider the alternative. Even with your Gay is sin thought, it’s just sin. It isn’t an abomination. Do you KNOW what is???

10 But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you, 11 and they shall be [a]abhorrent to you; you may not eat of their flesh, and their carcasses you shall detest. 12 Whatever in the water does not have fins and scales is [b]abhorrent to you. Leviticus 11:10-12 NASB

Yes, the next time you want to dig into some shrimp or lobster, remember the King James Version says it is an ABOMINATION UNTO YOU. I don’t know about you, but I’m more comfortable with a sin than an abomination!

I know, I know, you’re going to want to justify it, explain it, explain why it is OK to eat shrimp because you love shrimp and you don’t want to lose it, IT IS TIME TO stop justifying the things you love and accept and casting stones on the things and people you don’t.

If you like this and want to stay up to date with my posts, follow me on Twitter @HaliPawz  or Like me on Facebook.com/HaliPawz 

Not a shopper but love Christmas shopping-HaliPawz

I’m not a shopper by nature. I would rather go in the store, buy what I was after, and leave. I will go out of my way and go to a store in a strip mall to avoid going into the mall. I do not window shop.

If I know what I want, I will order it online to avoid going shopping at all. To avoid shipping charges, I will have it sent to a local store and then pick it up when I am in the area.

All of this goes out the window at Christmas time. I LOVE shopping at Christmas. I love the hustle and bustle. The crowds do not bother me. The weather doesn’t bother me. I love Christmas shopping in the snow. It is exciting to me.

It isn’t just about shopping. I love finding the perfect gift for the person. I try to avoid gift cards unless I just can not come up with something within my budget. I will put a personal touch on my gifts when I can.

My other goal is to get the most for my money. For example, if I know someone wants something in particular, I will put in the time and energy to find it at the best price possible. That way, if it falls under my budgeted money, I can get them something else they want.

I have thought about making this a job at Christmas time or even all year for those that WANT to get a personal gift for someone but just hate doing the legwork. For me, it’s the thrill of the challenge. It’s the thrill of finding that perfect gift for the person. I could easily meet with a person, find out WHO they are shopping for, find out their budget, and then just have a ball finding that gift. If I thought there was a big enough demand for it, I would start it tomorrow. Sadly, people are trying to SAVE money, not spend more money just to avoid gift giving. They will take the easy road and just give a gift card or money.

I wonder who else is out there like me, hates shopping for myself, but will spend hours shopping for gifts for others?

Happy shopping everyone!

Christianity, Alcohol, and Self Control

I recently read an article that infuriated me to the point that I had to share my own opinion on it.

Here is the article:
http://www.crossroadschristian.org/blogs/blog/12806077-can-a-christian-drink-alcohol#.VBUMDFODpQz.facebook

Thoughts like this drive me crazy! It is, once again, narrow minded thinking blaming the wrong thing. Is drinking to the point of blacking out crazy and irresponsible??? ABSOLUTELY. Is driving under the influence horrible? Yes. Personally, I think that anyone caught DUI/DWI etc are not punished enough in the United States. I have felt this way since I was 18 and I don’t see myself changing my opinion on that. I will never support or defend someone that gets arrested for DUI. With that being said, the alcohol didn’t cause this behavior, the persons inability to have self control and monitor themselves caused the behavior.

Let’s look at it from the flip side. Let’s take a male or female that is so shy or introverted that they have difficulty talking to others. When they consume an alcoholic drink, it relaxes them a little allowing them to be part of the conversation better. Because of their relaxed attitude, they make a couple new friends the night they are out. Over the course of the new friendship, they invite one of them to church. The friend agrees because they realize not every Christian is a narrow minded, pious jerk. That friend comes to know and accept God. All because a Christian was comfortable enough in their Christianity AND know how to exercise self control to behave themselves while being out in public and consuming a small amount of alcohol. With this scenario, would any Christian say alcohol served a negative purpose? Of course not.

The problem is, Americans LOVE hot messes. They glorify the crazy. They focus on the train wrecks and ignore the sensible. That is why we tend to hear all the extreme situations and the normal situations are too boring so they are never discussed.

I can say that I have never been drunk a day in my life, so I am not saying these words to promote my own behavior. Do I drink? Rarely, but I do have a glass of wine, champagne, or mixes drink from time to time. My actions don’t change. I am well aware of my setting and my behavior. I maintain control of my person.

I have seen the horrible after affects of those that consume too much alcohol. I have, sadly, seen abuse because someone was drunk. I watched a friend lose his fight to live because of a repeat offender driver under the influence. To lose a friend at 18 in such an unnecessary way is a memory that stays with you forever. With these tragic moments, I didn’t blame the alcohol, I blamed the one consuming the alcohol past their ability to control themselves and their actions. THEY are responsible for that, not the alcohol.

We have to STOP accepting the excuses and start challenging those around us to be responsible for their own actions. That also starts with each of us taking responsibility for our own actions, our own decisions, learning from our mistakes, and stop putting the blame in the wrong place.

My Organized Religion Rant of the Day

I am a Christian. I do not hide the fact that I do believe in God or a higher spiritual being. What my rant
today is about is Organized Religion and the problems resulting from bad ones. As I was going through different social media sites today, I came across an article about a mega church that was closing due to financial difficulties because of “negative press”. This “negative press” that the church is referring to was all because the leader of this church said women’s vaginas we’re good for nothing other than being a home for a man’s penis. Yes, you read that correctly.

Pastor (their term for him, not mine) Mark Driscoll is reported as saying “ultimately, God created you and it is His penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.” He went on to say “knowing that his penis would need a home. God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home”.

The article went on to say some other things including why a man should not be gay because of how the penis fits and why one man should not sleep with another man’s wife because that would be like stealing or breaking and entering. I have included the article at the end of this post for everyone to read.

Here’s The first question that came to my mind; how in the world did this man become a pastor? No I know it is easy for anyone to slap the pastor title on their name, but it made me wonder how he got people to support him. He founded the church, which again, anyone can start a church. It’s pretty simple really. The church is in Seattle, which is known for it’s open minded style. Again, a plus for Seattle, but still not sure how he had so much support.
He described his style as “theological conservative and culturally liberal”. As I read that, my thought were….WTH does that mean exactly????

This man was not just a pastor of a regular church… This church is
considered a mega church. That means he had followers upon followers believing in what he was preaching. He has been invited all over the United States to preach as well as to London England to speak to over 4000 people at any event.

It is said that he used a lot of preaching about sex and crude comments. He grew his church by preaching to “horny ” single people.

At some point, I have to wonder why so many people just followed his teaching and preaching. Was it because he said he was a pastor and they just excepted it? Was it because he talked in a language that fit what they wanted their own “church” to be like? It really makes you wonder.

No, the thing that really frustrates me is that because of his comments it makes it hard for people to understand that sex still is not a bad thing to discuss in the church. In my studies for my business, I have read and met with many Christian couples that do not communicate comfortably or at all when it comes to things of a sexual nature. Should that be fixed? ABSOLUTELY! Should it be fixed the Pastor Mark Driscoll way? I do not believe so. He does, however, have some very good points in his book “Real Marriage”. Do I think he’s a pastor and extolling the virtues of a sound Christian leader? No. Do I think he could be a strong sex educator? No, not until he understands women are more than a home for the penis. He is setting healthy sex education back too many years with that way of thinking.

Another thing I found interesting is that former and current church leaders are going against him and accusing him of “creating a climate of fear through his verbally abusive language, lack of self-control, and arrogant domineering attitude”. So…did this all happen overnight??? Was he at one time a super nice guy? Oh wait, or is it easy to attack the guy for his attitude when things aren’t going great? That is another issue I have with organized religion. It’s easy to hold hands and sing Kum be Ya (I am not sure if that is spelled right) when the numbers are growing and the money is rolling in but the minute things go south it is everyone attack the leader. He didn’t change! They just don’t want to be seen as supporting him but they were all about supporting him when it was good for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe every Church is bad. Just like anything, you have the good, you have the okay, and you have the bad. What I get frustrated with is the fact that so many people blindly follow teachings of one just because they say they are a pastor and those around them are cheering him or her on.

To my Christian friends and readers…. I urge you to challenge those that you are listening to that have a leader role. Do you not just blindly agree and cheer them on because it sounds good or because others are doing it. Look into it for yourself. Do your homework.

To my non-Christian friends and readers…. Please do not use this as a reason to bash those that believe. I understand and respect your position as well.

As I said at the beginning, yes this is a rant about organized religion but it is also a plea to the good pastors and church leaders out there do not take this man’s issues and use it as an excuse to not talk about healthy sexual communication amongst your married church members. We have to encourage that! It will help the marriage stay strong!

Here are two of the better articles about this man:

Driscoll Controversy

The Frisky – Mark Driscoll