Deflated Balls in Your Face. Another Win for the NFL! My Ramdomocity Submission-HaliPawz

As a new writer, it is easy to sit and post a blog about your thoughts and ideas to share with friends and family, because, let’s face it, they will either read it or ignore it.  They know your personality.  As you reader count increases, you begin to realize maybe there is something to your writing.  I recently decided to take a chance and I sent Randomocity a link to my work.  I wanted to be considered for position they had open.  I didn’t know if anything would come of it.  It is never easy to have someone new review your work at your request.

I received an email back asking me to listen to a recent podcast and write about something discussed without repeating what others have already said.  Sounds simple, right?  WRONG!  They wanted it by the end of the week, the problem was, I was just reading it on Friday!  Because multiple people were CC’d on the email, it had inadvertently gone into my SPAM folder.  It had been sent on Tuesday.

I went upstairs to my office to begin working right away.

It was no problem to listen to the podcast, I actually like listening to them. They are funny, witty, and put a twist on current events.  As I sat listening, I was also typing up my “about me” info they had requested.  I had just finished putting the comment in the email about how much I am NOT a sports person, so I probably wouldn’t be able to contribute much in that area when I hear them talking about “Deflated Balls”  Ugh!  Not those again.  I finished the email part and just listened to the rest of the podcast, staring at a blank word document.

I went back to the email, reread what they were looking for from me, reread my “about me” portion, and laughed.  I was going to write about sports!  The words flowed quickly, I proofread it, and loved it.  I think it is important for a writer to lover their own work.  I asked in my email if I could also put it on my blog.

They liked it!  Not going to lie, I was happy!  Not only did they like it, they actually wanted to post it on it on their site!

Here is a preview of my submission.

I am not a sports fan.  I admit it openly and often.  Throughout my dating life, I had the pleasure, or displeasure, of dating college athletes, former professional athletes, and, well, men in general.  Imagine that, a heterosexual woman dating a man?  Anyway….one thing I have learned from dating these athletes; they LOVE sports.  I mean, LOVE sports.  I don’t.  I don’t appreciate Sports Center being on the television 24/7, I don’t appreciate having to rearrange my schedule just because there is a game to watch.  I will watch a sporting event live but I think it is because I love the excitement in the air from the fans.  It’s infectious.  I just don’t see the point of watching it on TV.  Too many commercials, too drawn out, too many instant replays.  It just gets annoying.

I know the Super Bowl is this Sunday.  I’m pretty sure everyone in America knows it unless they are living off the grid.  It is bad enough for two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, we non-sports fans are subjected to all things football and beyond.  Of course, the appetizer recipes aren’t all bad, so I guess there is a win for us somewhere.

I try to ignore the Super Bowl hype lead up.  I tend to not watch commercials anyway, I DVR most of my shows.  This year, I was forced to learn about deflated balls.  Here is something I discovered; it doesn’t matter how old you are, how famous you are, you can still be an adolescent child when the opportunity presents itself…..

                        To Finish Reading, Click Here to Visit Randomocity’s Website

Enjoy or Ignore the Super Bowl today; you won’t escape those Deflated Balls!

Microwave Dating

We live in a world of instant gratification. No one wants to put in the work to see WHERE a relationship can go, let alone put in the work to make it last.

I refer to dating today as microwave dating.

Think about how an oven cooks.  It cooks very slowly from the outside in.  The heat slowly seeps into the meat, allowing the flavors to simmer in the heat.

A microwave cooks differently.  A microwave causes the water molecules in the food to agitate at atomic levels, generating heat, which in turn cooks the food.  The radio waves affect the food as a whole, not from the outside in, so everything heats up quickly.  Microwave food is quick, it’s easy.  Think about heating up something that has multiple ingredients in it.  For example, heating up a piece of pie.  Because the liquid pie filling heats up quicker than the denser, flaky crust, you have to be careful biting into it.  The crust may be a perfect temperature, but the filling could be so hot it burns your mouth.

Relationships can be compared to ovens and microwaves.

The simmer is similar to getting to know each other.  When you think about putting a roast in the over, think about how the meat looks as you are preparing it.  It is a thick chunk of meat.  It is red and unappealing.  It is compact.  As you allow the roast to simmer on a low heat, the thickness begins to break down.  The meat begins to separate slightly, allowing all of the flavors and juices to fall down into the meat, flavoring it throughout, not just on the outside surface.  Getting to know someone can be viewed the same way.  When you first meet someone, they give you the person they want you to meet.  Sometimes they have walls up, making it difficult to get to know the true person.  As those walls break down, their true personality comes out.  Like a roast, if you have a great cut of meat, the flavors and the end result is comforting, appealing, enjoyable.  When it is a bad cut of meat, it is hard, unappetizing.  People are the same way.  Taking the time to get to know someone, you learn if they are a great person or not.  You learn if you want them around you for long periods of time.  When they aren’t the right person for you, it isn’t enjoyable to be near them.  It doesn’t mean the person is bad, just perhaps bad for you.  Sometimes the same ingredients yield different results, depending on how you heat them.  Take a French Bread Pizza for example.  Taken out of the freezer, preparing one in the microwave and one in the oven.  Both are edible.  Same ingredients.  The one out of the over will always taste just a little bit better.

When you jump into a relationship, believing they are your soul mate after one date, discussing the future before you even spend one minute with them puts you into the microwave dating world.  It may be hot and sizzling quickly but it doesn’t have the true flavor that comes from allowing it to simmer.  Sometimes it heats up so quickly that it overheats and explodes causing you to have to throw it away and leaving you with a mess to clean up.

Don’t get me wrong, microwaves are great.  They serve their purpose.  When you need something quick and filling, you throw it in the microwave, pull it out, eat, and move on.  Think about all of your greatest “meal” moments.  Was that meal prepared in the oven or the microwave?  There is a reason you don’t prepare Thanksgiving dinner in a microwave.  “Slow roasted has more appeal than “cooked quickly in a microwave” A home cooked meal is still synonymous with being prepared slowly in an oven or on a stovetop.

The next time you’re ready to  enter into a relationship, think about what you want.  Do you want a slow, simmered, tasty one or a quick, explosive one?

I’m OK as “Another Woman” but not as “The Other Woman”

No matter how you look at it, double standards exist in our society still. It is considered socially acceptable for a man to date multiple women, sleep with multiple women, but when a woman dates more than one man, sleeps with more than one man, she is considered “easy” or a “slut”. Apparently no one has done the math. If the man is sleeping with multiple women, those women have to come from somewhere! I hate the double standards but have come to understand ignore the double standards and live my life for myself when it comes to relationships.

I am ok dating someone who is dating other women. Until we choose to use the word monogamy, I have no expectations from him. It also means I don’t guarantee he is the only man I’m dating. I don’t date like that today, mostly due to time, but I’m also ok dating someone when he tells me he’s dating others. Is it ideal? Not always. Is it reality? Sadly, yes. I would just like to know upfront. No surprises. No cheating.

This takes me to the real reason for the post. Women (and men) have to learn there is a difference between being “Another Woman” and being “The Other Woman”. They must determine what they are comfortable with.

I will NEVER advocate being “The Other Woman” and encourage women to stay away from the men that set those expectations. This is a clear example of a man willing to cheat. If he’s comfortable cheating, he’s comfortable lying. If he is lying to his current wife, girlfriend, significant other then he will be completely comfortable lying to you. I know you want to believe he wouldn’t fall into that behavior with you….he’s so honest with you up front, he would never lie. Do not fall for it! He will. If he’s comfortable living in a constant state of deceit, he will not think twice about lying to you eventually, if not right away.

Being “Another Woman” is different. Perhaps he isn’t ready for commitment but enjoys dining out, attending local events. He isn’t ready to be with just one woman. He’s open and honest about it. He tells the woman up front. She is ok with it and accepting of it. Perhaps she is dating other men. Perhaps she doesn’t have the time to devote to a full relationship but enjoys the companionship of a man from time to time. It doesn’t make either party a bad person. It just means they want to be open and honest up front. The relationship doesn’t always stay this way, sometimes it develops into a lasting, monogamous relationship. Sometimes feelings develop for one person but not the other, so the two decide to part ways. There is no right or wrong answer to how this type of relationship works, as long as both parties are happy.

It is a mistake when one goes into the open relationship, not because they want an open relationship, but because they feel it is the only way they can be with the person. This will only lead to hurt and lack of trust. There is a false understanding of the relationship. If you can not accept the fact that the man you are dating may be dating other women, DO NOT say you are ok with an open relationship.

The tricky part is when the guy sends you mixed signals. If he says he’s in an open relationship but refers to another woman as his girlfriend but doesn’t say the same about you….the “openness” isn’t truly open. You are the “Other” woman. If he keeps your activities private but blasts all his time with her on social media, it is not an open relationship. Men can be smooth. He may give you a good reason. Perhaps he’ll say “she knows I date others but I don’t throw it in her face” or “I was dating her before you so she gets the label” Ladies, when you hear things like this, YOU are the OTHER woman. If he isn’t willing to give you the same level of respect he gives her (or anyone), I recommend you reconsider the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, it should not be FLAUNTED when you are dating someone in an open situation. Be respectful, don’t post pictures of the two of you hugging / kissing on social media. If you wouldn’t want to see the same pictures of him with another woman, don’t post them of the two of you. Wait until you decide to make it a monogamous relationship (or a polyamorous relationship). Do not call him your boyfriend, significant other, etc. He’s not. He’s not willing to give you a commitment so you don’t give him a title.

Another concern would be the number of women he’s dating. If you don’t want to know, DO NOT ASK! It is that simple. If you are ok with him dating one or two others for a short time and find out he’s dating six, you might want to reconsider getting involved with him. The more women he’s dating / the more men you’re dating, the more your time and attention will be divided. Is it going to be enough time for you?

If you decide you want it to be more but one (or both) of you are not ready for monogamy, discuss polyamory. Be prepared your friends / family may not be acceptable of a polyamorous relationship.

Relationships take work and compromise. The most important thing to remember is the compromise you make should NEVER emotionally hurt you. If he wants an open relationship and you don’t, walk away. If you want a polyamorous relationship and he doesn’t, walk away if you’re not willing to be monogamous. Nothing has to be decided in a day, relationships & emotions do not happen overnight.

Be true to yourself. Know what you’re ok with and what you aren’t. Comprise when needed, don’t compromise when it is going to hurt you.

No matter what, avoid being the “Other” woman. Lies need to stay out of the relationship. It is the only way to build a solid foundation of communication and trust….the key to ANY relationship in our lives.

Cultural Crazy

What is crazy?  Do we view crazy based on our own beliefs, upbringing, morals?  I find it interesting that we see someone do something that we wouldn’t necessarily do and we think….that is CRAZY!  I know I’m guilty of it.  What really brought it to my attention is all the “crazy” stuff I have been seeing on social media and I think to myself, “Why do they do that?  That’s crazy!  No one should do that!”  Then I stop and think about WHY is it crazy?

My first thought when I see people rubbing themselves with oil and lighting themselves on fire.  CRAZY, INSANE  Anything that brings a change to the body for pure fun and amusement of others has to be crazy.  Then I think wouldn’t tattoos be considered crazy then?  Tattoos bring a change to the body.  Some tattoos are on places that the actual owner of the tattoo cannot see it so only others can see it.  Does it amuse others?  Does it disgust others?  Does it matter?  Please understand, I have no problem with tattoos, I’m just saying, how is a tattoo any different than someone lighting themselves on fire and putting it out resulting in some scarring any different?  Is it different if the person doesn’t know it could cause a scar but a person getting a tattoo KNOWS they are getting the tattoo?  I don’t know that answer.  Do you?

Cultural Crazy causes us to look at how others view the crazy actions of others.  For example, someone that grew up in New York City might think someone that straps themselves to a bull for 8 seconds risking bodily harm is crazy.  At that same respect, someone growing up in the country where everyone knows everyone might think holding a friends chest until they pass out is insane and they would never do it.

Do we, as a society, try to align ourselves with like minded “Craziness Level” Assessors?  Do we look to our friends and family for confirmation of what should be viewed as crazy and what should be viewed an normal fun activities?

I used to say, well if it brings potential danger and loss of limbs / life then it is crazy.  But that isn’t true.  Something as simple as climbing up and painting something on a water tower COULD lead to loss of limbs / life if the person should happen to fall, yet country singers write about that activity all the time.

Consider the following and think how you would judge the “crazy” rating:

Is setting yourself on fire any different than riding a bull?

Is driving 150 mph in an oval shape any different than barrel racing?

Is skydiving any different than deep sea diving?

Is surfing any different than running with the bulls?

Is smoking weed any different than drinking alcohol?

Now think about those same activities with the mindset that you knew nothing about them ahead of time.  Would they seem any crazier?

Now let’s take it another step.  Do you believe that there is a difference between country activity crazy and city activity crazy?

Is there a racial difference between what is accepted crazy and what isn’t?

At the end of the day, the next time you say…..”That is CRAZY!”  Stop and think about what it is that makes it crazy and is there anything you do or your friends do that would be equally as crazy to the person you are judging?


Christianity, Alcohol, and Self Control

I recently read an article that infuriated me to the point that I had to share my own opinion on it.

Here is the article:

Thoughts like this drive me crazy! It is, once again, narrow minded thinking blaming the wrong thing. Is drinking to the point of blacking out crazy and irresponsible??? ABSOLUTELY. Is driving under the influence horrible? Yes. Personally, I think that anyone caught DUI/DWI etc are not punished enough in the United States. I have felt this way since I was 18 and I don’t see myself changing my opinion on that. I will never support or defend someone that gets arrested for DUI. With that being said, the alcohol didn’t cause this behavior, the persons inability to have self control and monitor themselves caused the behavior.

Let’s look at it from the flip side. Let’s take a male or female that is so shy or introverted that they have difficulty talking to others. When they consume an alcoholic drink, it relaxes them a little allowing them to be part of the conversation better. Because of their relaxed attitude, they make a couple new friends the night they are out. Over the course of the new friendship, they invite one of them to church. The friend agrees because they realize not every Christian is a narrow minded, pious jerk. That friend comes to know and accept God. All because a Christian was comfortable enough in their Christianity AND know how to exercise self control to behave themselves while being out in public and consuming a small amount of alcohol. With this scenario, would any Christian say alcohol served a negative purpose? Of course not.

The problem is, Americans LOVE hot messes. They glorify the crazy. They focus on the train wrecks and ignore the sensible. That is why we tend to hear all the extreme situations and the normal situations are too boring so they are never discussed.

I can say that I have never been drunk a day in my life, so I am not saying these words to promote my own behavior. Do I drink? Rarely, but I do have a glass of wine, champagne, or mixes drink from time to time. My actions don’t change. I am well aware of my setting and my behavior. I maintain control of my person.

I have seen the horrible after affects of those that consume too much alcohol. I have, sadly, seen abuse because someone was drunk. I watched a friend lose his fight to live because of a repeat offender driver under the influence. To lose a friend at 18 in such an unnecessary way is a memory that stays with you forever. With these tragic moments, I didn’t blame the alcohol, I blamed the one consuming the alcohol past their ability to control themselves and their actions. THEY are responsible for that, not the alcohol.

We have to STOP accepting the excuses and start challenging those around us to be responsible for their own actions. That also starts with each of us taking responsibility for our own actions, our own decisions, learning from our mistakes, and stop putting the blame in the wrong place.

My Organized Religion Rant of the Day

I am a Christian. I do not hide the fact that I do believe in God or a higher spiritual being. What my rant
today is about is Organized Religion and the problems resulting from bad ones. As I was going through different social media sites today, I came across an article about a mega church that was closing due to financial difficulties because of “negative press”. This “negative press” that the church is referring to was all because the leader of this church said women’s vaginas we’re good for nothing other than being a home for a man’s penis. Yes, you read that correctly.

Pastor (their term for him, not mine) Mark Driscoll is reported as saying “ultimately, God created you and it is His penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.” He went on to say “knowing that his penis would need a home. God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home”.

The article went on to say some other things including why a man should not be gay because of how the penis fits and why one man should not sleep with another man’s wife because that would be like stealing or breaking and entering. I have included the article at the end of this post for everyone to read.

Here’s The first question that came to my mind; how in the world did this man become a pastor? No I know it is easy for anyone to slap the pastor title on their name, but it made me wonder how he got people to support him. He founded the church, which again, anyone can start a church. It’s pretty simple really. The church is in Seattle, which is known for it’s open minded style. Again, a plus for Seattle, but still not sure how he had so much support.
He described his style as “theological conservative and culturally liberal”. As I read that, my thought were….WTH does that mean exactly????

This man was not just a pastor of a regular church… This church is
considered a mega church. That means he had followers upon followers believing in what he was preaching. He has been invited all over the United States to preach as well as to London England to speak to over 4000 people at any event.

It is said that he used a lot of preaching about sex and crude comments. He grew his church by preaching to “horny ” single people.

At some point, I have to wonder why so many people just followed his teaching and preaching. Was it because he said he was a pastor and they just excepted it? Was it because he talked in a language that fit what they wanted their own “church” to be like? It really makes you wonder.

No, the thing that really frustrates me is that because of his comments it makes it hard for people to understand that sex still is not a bad thing to discuss in the church. In my studies for my business, I have read and met with many Christian couples that do not communicate comfortably or at all when it comes to things of a sexual nature. Should that be fixed? ABSOLUTELY! Should it be fixed the Pastor Mark Driscoll way? I do not believe so. He does, however, have some very good points in his book “Real Marriage”. Do I think he’s a pastor and extolling the virtues of a sound Christian leader? No. Do I think he could be a strong sex educator? No, not until he understands women are more than a home for the penis. He is setting healthy sex education back too many years with that way of thinking.

Another thing I found interesting is that former and current church leaders are going against him and accusing him of “creating a climate of fear through his verbally abusive language, lack of self-control, and arrogant domineering attitude”. So…did this all happen overnight??? Was he at one time a super nice guy? Oh wait, or is it easy to attack the guy for his attitude when things aren’t going great? That is another issue I have with organized religion. It’s easy to hold hands and sing Kum be Ya (I am not sure if that is spelled right) when the numbers are growing and the money is rolling in but the minute things go south it is everyone attack the leader. He didn’t change! They just don’t want to be seen as supporting him but they were all about supporting him when it was good for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe every Church is bad. Just like anything, you have the good, you have the okay, and you have the bad. What I get frustrated with is the fact that so many people blindly follow teachings of one just because they say they are a pastor and those around them are cheering him or her on.

To my Christian friends and readers…. I urge you to challenge those that you are listening to that have a leader role. Do you not just blindly agree and cheer them on because it sounds good or because others are doing it. Look into it for yourself. Do your homework.

To my non-Christian friends and readers…. Please do not use this as a reason to bash those that believe. I understand and respect your position as well.

As I said at the beginning, yes this is a rant about organized religion but it is also a plea to the good pastors and church leaders out there do not take this man’s issues and use it as an excuse to not talk about healthy sexual communication amongst your married church members. We have to encourage that! It will help the marriage stay strong!

Here are two of the better articles about this man:

Driscoll Controversy

The Frisky – Mark Driscoll

Driver License Proposal

With all this media attention about animals and children being left in hot cars, I have a proposal.

Every potential driver in the United States has to sit in a car. The windows have to be cracked about a half-inch each. The car in a room that has UV and “sun rays” equivalent to an 85 degree day. I say 85 because I think that a lot of people don’t realize how hot 85 degrees is. When we go from an air-conditioned building or home to a car that cools down pretty quickly on an 85 degree day, we don’t always get that “man it’s hot out” feeling like we do at 95 degree weather.

As they are sitting in this vehicle, they can not turn it on. The timer starts as soon as the door shuts. They have to just sit in that car until they cannot stand it anymore and have to get out. Once the door is opened again, the timer stops. I think everyone would think twice about leaving their child or animal in the car with the windows “cracked” after they did this test. Once the test is complete and they have passed everything else, THEN they can get their license.

I wonder how many lives we would save if this was a requirement?